tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33993522324585136942024-03-13T07:47:35.334-05:00Let's Start a Revolution"A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another." John 13:34Amandahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00907131024586024530noreply@blogger.comBlogger342125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3399352232458513694.post-70091611545585367042020-09-02T11:26:00.001-05:002020-09-02T11:26:52.915-05:00Layoffs<p> There are only a handful of things I've faced in my life that I would say were emotionally traumatizing... and watching 29 of my coworkers get walked out because of layoffs was one of them. I heard every unspoken thought in my mind.</p><p>"What am I going to do?"<br /></p><p>"I just had a baby."</p><p>"I just bought a house."</p><p>And so on. </p><p> It was an emotionally heavy night. We all felt it because by the time all was said and done there were only ten of us left on our shift in my department.</p><p>I'm thankful that I have high enough seniority that I was able to keep my job. I am thankful that both of my brothers also still have their jobs in the departments where they work.</p><p>We knew the lay offs were coming. They told us several months ago that they were looking to lay off about 100 people in September through out the company. I've been praying that God would put a hedge of protection around my brothers and my jobs. And I do believe that He did. </p><p>But it was still a rough night. My heart goes out to all the people who lost their jobs last night. You might never see this blog post but know that my heart is with you and I'm praying for you. </p>Amandahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00907131024586024530noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3399352232458513694.post-2337309627174804202020-08-14T07:45:00.001-05:002020-08-14T07:45:52.966-05:00Am I dumb?<p> Am I dumb? </p><p>Am I too dumb to know that I'm dumb? </p><p>Am I the kind of dumb that people go "oh bless her heart" after I leave?</p><p>I don't generally feel that I am particularly unintelligent... that is until I feel that someone has perceived me that way. Then I question my whole world. </p><p>I am well aware that there is plenty of stuff that I don't know and a lot I don't understand. I don't know why this particular insecurity runs so deep with me but I just don't want to be dumb. Maybe I tie my self worth to my intelligence. Or maybe I feel like there are so many other negative things that people perceive about me that I just don't want there to be another thing to make people dislike me or make fun of me for.... or maybe both. </p><p>I think my feelings today were triggered by a conversation at work. I wasn't actively involved in the conversation, but I've given my thoughts on it a time or two. The conversation was centered around why the girls in and close by my cell don't like the second shift supervisor. For me the answer is that he talks down to women... like we are dumb. I guess I figured this was common to the place where I work because I have heard other women make the same complaint... but I guess it's not. Every one of the girls involved in the conversation said the supervisor doesn't talk to them that way. I guess it made me wonder why I was the only girl around who felt that the supervisor talked to me like I was stupid and it made me wonder why. It made me question if I actually am stupid and just don't know it. </p><p>I'm sure these feelings will pass... but for now I'm left to wonder. </p>Amandahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00907131024586024530noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3399352232458513694.post-9116211638300238052019-02-22T00:59:00.000-06:002019-02-22T01:01:27.811-06:00How I almost accidentally just killed myself with a candle So almost a year ago I purchased the movie War Room. It was something I've wanted to see when it first came out, but it came out shortly after my ex dumped me, and I had heard there was something about infidelity in it and I just couldn't bring myself to watch it. It probably would have been good for me to watch it anyway, but you know how those things go. <br />
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Well, I finally watched it in December with my sister in law, Victoria. And I was, of course, inspired. I have a small walk in closet, I thought this would be great to turn into my own "war room" of sorts. So I started that process almost 2 months ago. It's just big enough to put a bean bag chair in, and I'd like to get a small book shelf for my bible and supplies. My war room isn't as used as I would like it to be, but I'm slowing working my way towards that. I live by myself, so it's like, who's going to bother me? But it's nice that it's a private place.<br />
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So anyway, I went into my war room tonight and I spent some time praying and then I started reading my bible. I should probably mention that prior to going into my room for my god time, I lit a candle and put it in my closet. Mostly to combat any smell my dirty clothes might emit. LOL<br />
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So it didn't take long for me being in there to start feeling tired. I thought it was weird that I was struggling to keep my eyes open. After I finally finished reading the passage I leaned back and closed my eyes hoping maybe a cat nap might refresh me. But I looked at my phone. 11:59pm, It was way too early for me to feel this kind of tired. And my heart was racing. For the love of God, why was my heart racing? And I was getting a bit of a dull headache in my forehead.<br />
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In my groggy state, I looked over at my wonderfully scented candle....<br />
<br />
Then I blew it out and flung the door to my closet open. <br />
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It only took a few minutes for the sleepiness to go away and for my heart to stop racing. I still have a bit of a dull headache though. Mostly just pressure, though, not pain. But I'm sitting in my living room with my ceiling fan circulating air, and no candles burning.<br />
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I chastise myself for not thinking about the consequences of lighting a candle in a 5x5 room with no circulation and closing the door. I won't be doing that again.<br />
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And thank God for not letting me fall asleep. That candle would have continued to burn for 8 hours. And who knows how much CO and CO2 would have been produced.<br />
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Anyway, mistakes made, lessons learned, and I am still alive and that is all I can hope for.<br />
<br />Amandahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00907131024586024530noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3399352232458513694.post-24046259926075020522019-02-17T02:43:00.002-06:002019-02-22T01:02:10.493-06:00Real TalkSo, I guess you're about to get "Real Talk" from me. What I mean by that is what is on my mind is not something I go around readily sharing with others.<br />
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Today I went with my friends Christine and Jen to the Ice shelf Brew Fest in Michigan City. We were going to meet at Christine's house and then carpool. We were supposed to meet at 12:30. There should easily have been enough time, even with me going to bed at the usual late bedtime I keep... or even a bit later, to sleep and wake up in time to get myself dressed and drive to Christine's house without being late.<br />
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But I was late. About 15 minutes late. I had woken up about 9am because I had to use the bathroom. I replied to the text that we would meet about 12:30, and then I laid back down and went back to sleep, setting my alarm to get me up at 11:30. I felt exhausted. Well, of course 11:30 rolls around and I snooze my alarm... 3 times in total before I turn it off and lay in bed with my eyes closed for.... honestly I'm not even sure how long... begging God to help me get up. I actually do that a lot-- beg God to help me to wake up and get up. I got up eventually... but It was about 12:15 before I left. I ran out the door without brushing my teeth, washing my face, or anything. I just put on clothes and left.<br />
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You know, I had a really good time with my friends and being with them did a lot to distract me from the way I was feeling about myself by that time, which was simply not good. But when I stood alone for more than a few minutes, unable to occupy my time with the impromptu scavenger hunt I started with the people in costume (lol) my mind would start to wander. Today I felt undesirable.<br />
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It's fairly obvious that my lack of hygienic routine prior to leaving played a huge role in that. But I was walking around with a new breakout of red painful acne (not the blackheads that I'm dealing with since cross training in metal cell) --that seemed to coincide with my purchase of a new impurity cleansing face wash that I am trying to use to get rid of the blackheads.<br />
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In addition to the acne, I have a rather painful, dry and cracking scab on my upper lip and lip line from a cold sore that started developing on Monday. It's very obvious and rather embarrassing. I hear a lot of people get cold sores, but I feel like I never see anyone dealing with them... Anyway, I have been using Triple Antibiotic ointment and medicated chapstick to heal my lips and the sore. so when It wasn't feeling dry and cracked, then the scab was falling off and it felt like it was bleeding (or blistering, but then it just scabbed over again).<br />
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Then there was the 5 inch rip in my pants under the pocket, but I didn't have anything else clean to wear because I'm low on clothes and the pants I purchased in the fall are either really low quality (hence the ripping) or they no longer fit me. :-(<br />
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Speaking of no longer fitting. I'm at the highest weight I've ever been at and that depresses me. Especially after I worked so hard to lose the weight that first time. It's like I was just assaulted by life circumstances and my way of dealing was to emotional eat, so I gained all my lost weight back and then a few extra... So that was another thing adding to it.<br />
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Ugh. Okay, so the point is that I felt like I was walking around looking huge, slobby, dirty and contagious... and it just didn't feel good.<br />
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As I people watched, I looked into the faces of some of the people there. I look at the faces of some of the men... some attractive, mature looking men, and wonder if they would ever give me a second look or if God would ever position one of them someday to be my husband. I would look into the faces of the women, beautifully manicured, flawless makeup, hair, nails; bright smiles, straight, white teeth; fashionable dress, clean looking--- and I would wonder why I couldn't be like them.<br />
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I mean, where do people even find the energy and resources to get "dolled up".<br />
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I know I walk around most of the time, probably appearing like I don't really care about how I look, and on some level that is true because I will choose comfort over style in a lot of cases, but the real truth is that I do care deeply about how I look. I would love to do my make up and hair and dress nice, but i'm often left wondering how women find the time, energy, and resources for it. For some reason I just can't find it in me to make the effort.Which is weird because I used to in high school...everyday, every morning (up until a boy I had a crush on painted his hand and then said his hand looked like my face) but now... I just... cant.<br />
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But gosh... it doesn't even stop there.... with so much in my life. My looks, my weight, being places on time, simple things to help me manage my money, cleaning my apartment...<br />
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Is this really the effect of depression? Or am I just lazy?<br />
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I know what I have to do to fix my life... but gosh... how do I get out of the funk?Amandahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00907131024586024530noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3399352232458513694.post-86701891289595495562019-02-12T02:22:00.000-06:002019-02-12T02:22:10.062-06:00Sometimes depression looks like calling off work to sleep. Then staying in bed all day, getting up only to comfort eat and use the bathroom... and finally sitting in the bathtub feeling sad for no apparent reason eating Oatmeal cream pies until you feel ill from the sugar.<br />
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Sometimes depression has no rhyme or reason. You cant just get over it and you cant "will power" your way through it. <br />
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Sometimes you just have to ride through it.Amandahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00907131024586024530noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3399352232458513694.post-49412181574393478912019-02-07T12:55:00.000-06:002019-02-07T12:55:53.331-06:00Too much in my brain to be CoherentSo lately I have been really trying to dive into a deeper relationship with God. It has not been an easy journey, and I find myself, often, in the crux of pursuing my own ambitions and forgetting God. I think that's one of the reasons I liked how the minister at my church body described what going to church is.<br />
As a short recap he explained that many churches will call their Sunday morning service a worship service, but the reality is that we worship God with our lives. I know a lot of people in my life who dont go to church and say that they can worship God no matter where they are. And they're absolutely right! But seeing this different perspective on church services as something other that "worship" just really spoke to me. He said that we meet to encounter God and it helps to refocus us for the coming week. <br />
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Can I just say that I love that! What an absolutely refreshing view on why it is so important to be a part of a church body! We might be able to worship God no matter where we are, but that intentional community with the church body where you encounter God to refocus yourself on Him is just something else entirely. I can not even express how much I love that perspective.<br />
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Anyway, outside the point other than to express that I need it.... I <b><u><i>need</i></u></b> it! Because focusing on God all of the time is not easy. Getting distracted is easy. It is so so easy. And I'm very thankful for the little community I have at Life Bridge.<br />
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Ive been doing some reflecting on stuff recently. Im a part of a facebook group that is doing a challenge called Break the Cycle. And so far is has just been so real. It has been affirmation and conviction and learning and I really appreciate what is being taught. I was watching a seminar the other day (I cannot watch live because i'm at work, so I think it might have been Tuesday morning seminar that I watched later, but I cant remember.) Anyway, the message the other day was about Breaking the cycle of money mismanagement, and God knows this is an area where I have been trying very hard to improve myself in. There was something said by one of the speakers that just kind of resonated with me.<br />
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I don't remember the exact wording used and I really wish now that I had written it down, because it was really good. but the concept was along the lines of how we can be so undisciplined "I don't have enough anyway so what does it matter if I splurge now" kind of thing. It's the idea that we don't deny ourselves anything but are given to every whim and the profound effect that this has on us in every area of our lives.<br />
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I have seen a sobering example of it in one of my coworkers life (and that in turn has helped me identify it in my own life and has served as a pretty good warning). With her money, she's always broke, vocationally and she's on the verge of losing her job because she used up all of her PTO two weeks into January. I even see the relational dysfunction when I talk to her because she does not deny herself "pleasure" in any form be it by the use of alcohol or sex or otherwise. The reality of it is sobering and to be completely transparent, it scares the hell out of me. <br />
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It's got me thinking hard about my life and where I give into my whims. Even just things that might be silly as choosing to play a game on my phone over washing the dishes in my sink. I see the paths I could be walking down by succumbing to the "pleasures of sin". I wish I knew how to more clearly articulate, but I'm pressed for time and I got to get going to work. Maybe I'll delve into it a little more later, or just personally.Amandahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00907131024586024530noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3399352232458513694.post-35612391884912601852019-01-27T02:31:00.001-06:002019-01-27T02:31:11.870-06:00God SpeaksSo I haven't blogged in quite a long time. And I think that's just what happens sometimes. We start out doing something and then as time progresses it might end up falling to the wayside. I think it's just the natural order of things. Some things are only for a season. <br />
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And then there's people like me who will make random blog posts years later. I have so much I could write about, and you come to a point that although a blog is very much a public forum, you really write for yourself. Like keeping a journal, this is your record of your life and thoughts. I think that's cool. <br />
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So anyway, I wanted to share something. I have been feeling a little bit guilty because I've been trying to find my way back to God and this week I have failed rather largely to spend any time with Him. Like any.... maybe with the exception of quick goodnight prayers as I fall asleep. By the way, I have been falling asleep quite well in the past week which I am sure is due to the prayers being made on my behalf by the beautiful soul at my Women's Bible study on Tuesdays. I have only been twice, but I know I so desperately need that group and I am so incredibly blessed that God would provide it for me. <br />
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I am just so bursting with stuff that I don't even know where I want to begin sharing. I am very excited to see what God is doing in both my life and the lives of the people around me and those I have been praying for. One in particular is my brother and sister in law starting a new venture (both of them!) to bring their families to a better place financially. (Which is something I actually prayed about in my "war room" a little while ago and it just fell to the wayside as life happened, although I didn't forget about them or my desire to pray for them... I think I just got lost in my own stuff for a while.) So anyway, my sister in law is selling Cozy Candles. I'm a big supporter for her so if you want to check out her page it's BeyondBlessed. I was trying to get a direct link to her facebook group because it's like a whole community in itself, but I cant figure out how to get the direct link. However if anyone wants to buy any of the candles from my sister in law, this it the link to her shop <a data-ft="{"tn":"-U"}" data-lynx-mode="asynclazy" data-lynx-uri="https://l.facebook.com/l.php?u=https%3A%2F%2Fbwordproductions.com%2Fcozy%2F1601%2F%3Ffbclid%3DIwAR2kUID7Ou55g_y8HrO3d6sPk8L0YMrcUuphQMfqmjxUlPlXxCCc82-1J5A&h=AT3fAJTahhJizbDeJnLvYvn5sN83XkxWXkNMV0Nl4ba55Qt4SVs5l_G4peng_mwJB5M1eMQIQgCkJak8waIQjqGPj7LW_FgYfp97UzcuQVjzGhuy8YLKA7_ibGdAUcjaqTfRebi4oiZK3RLN0SmX" href="https://bwordproductions.com/cozy/1601/?fbclid=IwAR2kUID7Ou55g_y8HrO3d6sPk8L0YMrcUuphQMfqmjxUlPlXxCCc82-1J5A" rel="noopener nofollow" style="background-color: white; color: #365899; cursor: pointer; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;" target="_blank">https://bwordproductions.com/cozy/1601/</a><span style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;"> .</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;"> </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;"> </span>I actually am burning my Caribbean Escape Candle right now. It smells seriously AMAZING.<br />
<br />So my brother in law is also doing something online. I don't quite understand all of it yet, but it is an online gaming thing where he games and talks to people online and he can earn money through subscriptions so he will earns money doing this on the side. His goal is to be able to earn enough money that he can spend more time with his wife and daughter at home. So if you're into gaming you can check him out at https://www.twitch.tv/rellik1771 <br />
After he told me about it, I was like... that's so cool, I think i'm going to see about doing something like that with my crochet, but it would be a while before I would be able to get something like that set up.<br />
<br />
So anyway, I'm so far on tangent from what I came here wanting to share. So let's get to that. I sat down tonight with the intention of studying a little more with the scriptures that were given to us for Tuesdays Bible Study and let me tell you a little bit about this process. <br />
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So I started out wanting to look at the context of each of the verses I was looking at to see if I could get a better understanding of them. So the theme was love Go and the first part of the Study was Things that are key in building a love relationship with God. I haven't even been through the first point in the first section and I'm like "God you're speaking to me." so this is what happened.<br />
<br />
The first verse I looked at was Matthew 6:33 which said But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness and all these things will be added to you. (NASB) I read for context and this is a verse I had highlighted before in my Bible, because it was one that reminded me that God takes care of the needs of his people. So I wrote down a challenge for myself to, When I need something, instead of attempting to just go and purchase it or find financing, to go first to God and ask for it and then sit back and see what He does. <br />
<br />So I was like Okay, cool. That is a challenge I really want to try, you know... like Test God in this to see if what He says is true because I believe he's trying to tell me something. <br />
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So I went on to the next verse, which was Psalm 46:10 "He says Be still and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth" (NIV)<br />
I read for context and it was talking about God being our refuge and strength and how we ought not to be disheartened by the world because He is God. Nothing stuck out super strong in this one to me, no challenges, so I went on to the next verse which was James 4:8, which reads "come near to God and he will come near to you. Wash your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded." (NIV) Only... in looking up this verse, I somehow ended up on 1st Peter 4:8 and was reading those verses for context, but it was verse 7 that I was drawn back to... which reads "Now the end of all things is near; therefore, be serious and disciplined for prayer." (HCSB) So i pondered that verse for a little while and was reading context and trying to understand how vs 8's admonition to have an intense love for one another was the verse I was reading in the hand out... and then i realized I read the wrong book, but I was like, that's okay, That one verse really stuck out to me and I don't think it was an accident that God took me there.<br />
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So I go back to James 4, where I was really supposed to be and I started to read the verse and then the chapter for context, and I got to verse 2 and closed my Bible and I said OKAY, I GET IT.<br />
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And what does James 4:2 say? YOU DO NOT HAVE BECAUSE YOU DO NOT ASK.<br />
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Okay. Okay! OKAY! I see a theme here. God, I believe you want me to go to you in Prayer, God I believe that you want me to lay my needs, and DESIRES, I feel impressed that God wants to speak to even my desires. So Im just sitting here thinking about this, and I'm thinking about needing new clothing because mine is wearing out and the stuff I bought from Walmart a few months ago is already starting to become unusable. I'm thinking about Marraige, about in asking God for a spouse (a part of a facebook group I'm a part of, it started with a challenge of praying for your future spouse), I started thinking about my brother and his wife and the ventures they are starting, then my whole lists of prayers that I was bringing before Him and I just get this impression that God is saying to me to test Him in this. <br />
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But as I'm sitting here I'm also thinking can I really be hearing this from God because Jesus says it is written do not put the Lord your God to the test, so I looked up the context and it brought me to the Old Testament Scripture where it seemed like there was something specific at Massah that they were being told not to test God and I think it was in relation to sin, but then I saw the Scripture in Malachi 3:<span style="font-family: inherit;">10 <span style="background-color: white;">Bring the full tithe into the storehouse, that there may be food in my house. And thereby put me to the test, says the </span><span class="sc" style="background-color: white; font-variant-caps: small-caps; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal;">Lord</span><span style="background-color: white;"> of hosts, if I will not open the windows of heaven for you and pour down for you a blessing until there is no more need. </span></span><br />
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You do not have because you do not ask. I think that one is going to stick with me for a while.<br />
Anyway, It is late and I've already written a lot, so until I decide to write again, take care.Amandahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00907131024586024530noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3399352232458513694.post-40206618797974471172018-06-20T01:07:00.002-05:002018-06-20T01:07:41.871-05:00Ramblings of the first post in a while. I feel like it's been a long time since I've felt truly passionate about something. I think most of the time I go through the motions and do life like I always have... except... When I look back on things... It makes me laugh because my life has been a sort of adventure.<br />
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I remember I used to read books and long for the adventure knowing it would take a deal of personal sacrifice. Its funny to me now how I didn't see how adventurous my life really was because the adventure wasn't how I pictured it. It's funny to me that I'm the "heroine of my own story". Sort of. And it's especially funny to me that where I once longed for adventure, I now long for the mundane.<br />
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Don't get me wrong, I still have that desire for adventure... in small doses. But mostly my desires center around the idea of holding down a job, getting an apartment, meeting a nice guy, dating for a little while, getting married and starting the adventure of building a family.<br />
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Life is hard.<br />
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I'm nowhere near where I thought I would be. But maybe there's a learning curve. One of the things I really want to do right now is get my finances on track. And I think i'm in a good place to do that. I've got a great job and I seem to be doing alright in it. I've started mini investments through an app on my phone. Ive started a savings account. These are all in the beginnings... but i feel like I'm in a good place with them right now. I guess we will see where things go.Amandahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00907131024586024530noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3399352232458513694.post-34986546199431657742014-12-28T04:30:00.002-06:002014-12-28T04:30:52.628-06:00Crochet Patterns finally onlineI'm bored. <br />
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In today's over-stimulated world, you would think that people wouldn't say that anymore. In fact, I do wonder why I feel bored. I know I have plenty of things I should do and plenty of things I want to do and plenty of things I've got on my list to do. :-)<br />
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I think maybe it's not so much that I'm bored as it could be things I want to do right now, like hang out with my friends or talk to another human being, are not available to me right now (because it's after 4 am, haha)<br />
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I spent a good part of the night writing down a pattern I made for a Bearded Beanie, and it's finally up and available for purchase on Etsy. Actually, you can find it <a href="https://www.etsy.com/listing/216423121/bearded-beanie-pattern-in-adult-sizes?ref=shop_home_feat_1">Here</a>. I have several items I've made recently without using a pattern. I just need to write them down. The task feels overwhelming, but I know it will be worth it once I can start selling the patterns I write.<br />
I'm excited about that.<br />
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Amandahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00907131024586024530noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3399352232458513694.post-61321029722954411242014-11-29T03:26:00.000-06:002014-11-29T03:26:36.498-06:00Reflections from birthdays passingSo, it's been a while since I've written anything on my blog. Maybe I should do that today. I just feel like writing something. <br />
<br />
Today... well, technically yesterday now, I guess, I celebrated my birthday. Birthdays and new years always seem to force me to take a moment to reflect on things. <br />
<br />
You know, I've now had 29 years to figure things out in my life and I feel just as lost today as I did when I graduated high school nearly 10 years ago. This weekend was supposed to be my 10 year high school reunion. I wanted to go but at the same time the last thing I wanted to do was show people I barely remember how much of a failure I feel I've become.... and how much weight I've gained. <br />
<br />
By my own standards (you can debate the influence of my standards on your own time), I wanted a degree, and a career, and a husband, and children... or at least be with child by now. By my own standards, I'm a college dropout, who has yet to demonstrate the ability to hold a job for more than 3 years, dating the first serious boyfriend I've had since 9th grade.... and children? That's not really on the radar yet.<br />
<br />
But I'm okay. Don't get me wrong, I'm a little bummed and I have days when I feel like a failure, but I'm still pushing to figure things out, and I think as long as I've got that going on, I will see a day when I don't feel so lost. At least I hope so.<br />
<br />Amandahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00907131024586024530noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3399352232458513694.post-32521716238290753832013-09-21T09:39:00.002-05:002013-09-21T09:39:51.718-05:00Faith: Trusting God Through Prayer 1 Samuel 1:7-20I feel like the story of Hannah is one I connect with. Not because she and I have suffered the exact same situation, but because I feel a connection to her heart, to her longing. I get this image in my mind that we would have been friends if we lived in the same time and place. <br />
Sooo.... Here's the passage (with Verse 6 included because it reads differently in the NIV than it does in the translation on the app): <br />
<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<span class="versetext" id="1sa1-6" sizcache="32" sizset="61" style="display: inline;"><span class="versenum">6</span><span style="color: yellow;"> And because the LORD had closed her
womb, her rival kept provoking her in order to irritate her.</span><a href="http://www.blogger.com/null" name="1"></a><sup class="crossref" jquery1379771127418="15" sizcache="32" sizset="62" style="display: none;"><a href="http://www.biblestudytools.com/1-samuel/passage.aspx?q=1-samuel+1:6-20#cr-descriptionAnchor-1" id="1" jquery1379771127418="52" title="S Ge 16:4; Job 24:21"></a></sup><span style="color: yellow;"> </span></span><span class="versetext" id="1sa1-7" sizcache="32" sizset="63" style="display: inline;"><span style="color: yellow;"><span class="versenum">7</span> This went on year after year. Whenever
Hannah went up to the house of the LORD, her rival provoked her till she wept
and would not eat.</span><a href="http://www.blogger.com/null" name="2"></a><sup class="crossref" jquery1379771127418="16" sizcache="32" sizset="64" style="display: none;"><a href="http://www.biblestudytools.com/1-samuel/passage.aspx?q=1-samuel+1:6-20#cr-descriptionAnchor-2" id="2" jquery1379771127418="53" title="2Sa 12:17; Ps 102:4"></a></sup><span style="color: yellow;"> </span></span><span class="versetext" id="1sa1-8" sizcache="32" sizset="65" style="display: inline;"><span style="color: yellow;"><span class="versenum">8</span> Elkanah her husband would say to her, "Hannah, why are
you weeping? Why don't you eat? Why are you downhearted? Don't I mean more to
you than ten sons?</span><a href="http://www.blogger.com/null" name="3"></a><sup class="crossref" jquery1379771127418="17" sizcache="32" sizset="66" style="display: none;"><a href="http://www.biblestudytools.com/1-samuel/passage.aspx?q=1-samuel+1:6-20#cr-descriptionAnchor-3" id="3" jquery1379771127418="54" title="S Ru 4:15"></a></sup><span style="color: yellow;">" </span></span><span class="versetext" id="1sa1-9" sizcache="32" sizset="67" style="display: inline;"><span style="color: yellow;"><span class="versenum">9</span> Once when they had finished eating and
drinking in Shiloh, Hannah stood up. Now Eli the priest was sitting on a chair
by the doorpost of the LORD's temple.</span><a href="http://www.blogger.com/null" name="a"></a><sup class="footnote" jquery1379771127418="13" sizcache="32" sizset="68" style="display: none;"><a href="http://www.biblestudytools.com/1-samuel/passage.aspx?q=1-samuel+1:6-20#fn-descriptionAnchor-a" id="a" jquery1379771127418="50" title="That is, tabernacle"></a></sup><a href="http://www.blogger.com/null" name="4"></a><sup class="crossref" jquery1379771127418="18" sizcache="32" sizset="70" style="display: none;"><a href="http://www.biblestudytools.com/1-samuel/passage.aspx?q=1-samuel+1:6-20#cr-descriptionAnchor-4" id="4" jquery1379771127418="55" title="1Sa 3:3"></a></sup><span style="color: yellow;"> </span></span><span class="versetext" id="1sa1-10" sizcache="32" sizset="71" style="display: inline;"><span style="color: yellow;"><span class="versenum">10</span> In bitterness of soul</span><a href="http://www.blogger.com/null" name="5"></a><sup class="crossref" jquery1379771127418="19" sizcache="32" sizset="72" style="display: none;"><a href="http://www.biblestudytools.com/1-samuel/passage.aspx?q=1-samuel+1:6-20#cr-descriptionAnchor-5" id="5" jquery1379771127418="56" title="Job 3:20; 7:11; 10:1; 21:25; 23:2; 27:2; Isa 38:15; Jer 20:18"></a></sup><span style="color: yellow;"> Hannah wept
much and prayed to the LORD. </span></span><span class="versetext" id="1sa1-11" sizcache="32" sizset="73" style="display: inline;"><span style="color: yellow;"><span class="versenum">11</span> And she
made a vow,</span><a href="http://www.blogger.com/null" name="6"></a><sup class="crossref" jquery1379771127418="20" sizcache="32" sizset="74" style="display: none;"><a href="http://www.biblestudytools.com/1-samuel/passage.aspx?q=1-samuel+1:6-20#cr-descriptionAnchor-6" id="6" jquery1379771127418="57" title="S Jdg 11:30"></a></sup><span style="color: yellow;"> saying, "O
LORD Almighty</span><a href="http://www.blogger.com/null" name="7"></a><sup class="crossref" jquery1379771127418="21" sizcache="32" sizset="76" style="display: none;"><a href="http://www.biblestudytools.com/1-samuel/passage.aspx?q=1-samuel+1:6-20#cr-descriptionAnchor-7" id="7" jquery1379771127418="58" title="S Ge 17:1; Ps 24:10; 46:7; Isa 1:9"></a></sup><span style="color: yellow;">, if you will only look upon your servant's
misery and remember</span><a href="http://www.blogger.com/null" name="8"></a><sup class="crossref" jquery1379771127418="22" sizcache="32" sizset="78" style="display: none;"><a href="http://www.biblestudytools.com/1-samuel/passage.aspx?q=1-samuel+1:6-20#cr-descriptionAnchor-8" id="8" jquery1379771127418="59" title="S Ge 8:1; 28:20; 29:32"></a></sup><span style="color: yellow;"> me, and not forget your servant but give her
a son, then I will give him to the LORD for all the days of his life,</span><a href="http://www.blogger.com/null" name="9"></a><sup class="crossref" jquery1379771127418="23" sizcache="32" sizset="80" style="display: none;"><a href="http://www.biblestudytools.com/1-samuel/passage.aspx?q=1-samuel+1:6-20#cr-descriptionAnchor-9" id="9" jquery1379771127418="60" title="S Jdg 13:7"></a></sup><span style="color: yellow;"> and no
razor</span><a href="http://www.blogger.com/null" name="10"></a><sup class="crossref" jquery1379771127418="24" sizcache="32" sizset="82" style="display: none;"><a href="http://www.biblestudytools.com/1-samuel/passage.aspx?q=1-samuel+1:6-20#cr-descriptionAnchor-10" id="10" jquery1379771127418="61" title="Nu 6:1-21; Jdg 13:5; Lk 1:15"></a></sup><span style="color: yellow;"> will ever be used on his head." </span></span><span style="color: yellow;"><span class="versetext" id="1sa1-12" style="display: inline;"><span class="versenum">12</span> As she kept on praying to the LORD, Eli observed her
mouth. </span><span class="versetext" id="1sa1-13" style="display: inline;"><span class="versenum">13</span> Hannah was praying in her heart, and her lips were
moving but her voice was not heard. Eli thought she was drunk </span><span class="versetext" id="1sa1-14" style="display: inline;"><span class="versenum">14</span> and said to her, "How long will you keep on getting
drunk? Get rid of your wine." </span><span class="versetext" id="1sa1-15" sizcache="32" sizset="83" style="display: inline;"><span class="versenum">15</span> "Not
so, my lord," Hannah replied, "I am a woman who is deeply troubled.<a href="http://www.blogger.com/null" name="11"></a><sup class="crossref" jquery1379771127418="25" sizcache="32" sizset="84" style="display: none;"><a href="http://www.biblestudytools.com/1-samuel/passage.aspx?q=1-samuel+1:6-20#cr-descriptionAnchor-11" id="11" jquery1379771127418="62" title="2Ki 4:27"></a></sup> I have not
been drinking wine or beer; I was pouring<a href="http://www.blogger.com/null" name="12"></a><sup class="crossref" jquery1379771127418="26" sizcache="32" sizset="86" style="display: none;"><a href="http://www.biblestudytools.com/1-samuel/passage.aspx?q=1-samuel+1:6-20#cr-descriptionAnchor-12" id="12" jquery1379771127418="63" title="Ps 42:4; 62:8; La 2:19"></a></sup> out my soul
to the LORD. </span><span class="versetext" id="1sa1-16" sizcache="32" sizset="87" style="display: inline;"><span class="versenum">16</span> Do not take your
servant for a wicked woman; I have been praying here out of my great anguish and
grief."<a href="http://www.blogger.com/null" name="13"></a><sup class="crossref" jquery1379771127418="27" sizcache="32" sizset="88" style="display: none;"><a href="http://www.biblestudytools.com/1-samuel/passage.aspx?q=1-samuel+1:6-20#cr-descriptionAnchor-13" id="13" jquery1379771127418="64" title="Ps 55:2"></a></sup> </span><span class="versetext" id="1sa1-17" sizcache="32" sizset="89" style="display: inline;"><span class="versenum">17</span> Eli answered, "Go in peace,<a href="http://www.blogger.com/null" name="14"></a><sup class="crossref" jquery1379771127418="28" sizcache="32" sizset="90" style="display: none;"><a href="http://www.biblestudytools.com/1-samuel/passage.aspx?q=1-samuel+1:6-20#cr-descriptionAnchor-14" id="14" jquery1379771127418="65" title="Nu 6:26; Jdg 18:6; 1Sa 20:42; 25:35; 2Ki 5:19; Mk 5:34; S Ac 15:33"></a></sup> and may the
God of Israel grant you what you have asked of him.<a href="http://www.blogger.com/null" name="15"></a><sup class="crossref" jquery1379771127418="29" sizcache="32" sizset="92" style="display: none;"><a href="http://www.biblestudytools.com/1-samuel/passage.aspx?q=1-samuel+1:6-20#cr-descriptionAnchor-15" id="15" jquery1379771127418="66" title="S Ge 25:21; Ps 20:3-5"></a></sup>"
</span><span class="versetext" id="1sa1-18" sizcache="32" sizset="93" style="display: inline;"><span class="versenum">18</span> She said, "May your servant find
favor in your eyes.<a href="http://www.blogger.com/null" name="16"></a><sup class="crossref" jquery1379771127418="30" sizcache="32" sizset="94" style="display: none;"><a href="http://www.biblestudytools.com/1-samuel/passage.aspx?q=1-samuel+1:6-20#cr-descriptionAnchor-16" id="16" jquery1379771127418="67" title="S Ge 18:3; Ru 2:13"></a></sup>" Then she went her way and ate something,
and her face was no longer downcast.<a href="http://www.blogger.com/null" name="17"></a><sup class="crossref" jquery1379771127418="31" sizcache="32" sizset="96" style="display: none;"><a href="http://www.biblestudytools.com/1-samuel/passage.aspx?q=1-samuel+1:6-20#cr-descriptionAnchor-17" id="17" jquery1379771127418="68" title="Ecc 9:7; Ro 15:13"></a></sup> </span><span class="versetext" id="1sa1-19" sizcache="32" sizset="97" style="display: inline;"><span class="versenum">19</span> Early the next morning they arose and worshiped before
the LORD and then went back to their home at Ramah.<a href="http://www.blogger.com/null" name="18"></a><sup class="crossref" jquery1379771127418="32" sizcache="32" sizset="98" style="display: none;"><a href="http://www.biblestudytools.com/1-samuel/passage.aspx?q=1-samuel+1:6-20#cr-descriptionAnchor-18" id="18" jquery1379771127418="69" title="S Jos 18:25"></a></sup> Elkanah lay
with Hannah his wife, and the LORD remembered<a href="http://www.blogger.com/null" name="19"></a><sup class="crossref" jquery1379771127418="33" sizcache="32" sizset="100" style="display: none;"><a href="http://www.biblestudytools.com/1-samuel/passage.aspx?q=1-samuel+1:6-20#cr-descriptionAnchor-19" id="19" jquery1379771127418="70" title="S Ge 8:1; S 29:31; Ge 4:1; 30:22"></a></sup> her.
</span><span class="versetext" id="1sa1-20" sizcache="32" sizset="101" style="display: inline;"><span class="versenum">20</span> So in the course of time Hannah
conceived and gave birth to a son.<a href="http://www.blogger.com/null" name="20"></a><sup class="crossref" jquery1379771127418="34" sizcache="32" sizset="102" style="display: none;"><a href="http://www.biblestudytools.com/1-samuel/passage.aspx?q=1-samuel+1:6-20#cr-descriptionAnchor-20" id="20" jquery1379771127418="71" title="S Ge 17:19; S 29:32; S 30:6"></a></sup> She named<a href="http://www.blogger.com/null" name="21"></a><sup class="crossref" jquery1379771127418="35" sizcache="32" sizset="104" style="display: none;"><a href="http://www.biblestudytools.com/1-samuel/passage.aspx?q=1-samuel+1:6-20#cr-descriptionAnchor-21" id="21" jquery1379771127418="72" title="Ge 41:51-52; Ex 2:10; Ex 2:10,22; Mt 1:21"></a></sup> him
Samuel,<a href="http://www.blogger.com/null" name="b"></a><sup class="footnote" jquery1379771127418="14" sizcache="32" sizset="106" style="display: none;"><a href="http://www.biblestudytools.com/1-samuel/passage.aspx?q=1-samuel+1:6-20#fn-descriptionAnchor-b" id="b" jquery1379771127418="51" title=""Samuel" sounds like the Hebrew for "heard of God.""></a></sup><a href="http://www.blogger.com/null" name="22"></a><sup class="crossref" jquery1379771127418="36" sizcache="32" sizset="108" style="display: none;"><a href="http://www.biblestudytools.com/1-samuel/passage.aspx?q=1-samuel+1:6-20#cr-descriptionAnchor-22" id="22" jquery1379771127418="73" title="1Sa 7:5; 12:23; 1Ch 6:27; Jer 15:1; Heb 11:32"></a></sup> saying,
"Because I asked the LORD for him." </span></span><br />
<span style="color: yellow;"><span class="versetext" sizcache="32" sizset="101" style="display: inline;"></span></span> </blockquote>
<br />
I think the thing that sticks out to me the most is the attitude change that Hannah underwent after praying. Before, she was bitter in her soul, filled with anguish and longing,so much so, that she wouldn't even eat the portions her husband gave her. She is so troubled in her spirit that the priest did not consider her behavior normal. :-) But after she poured her heart out to God, Scripture says that she went away, ate something, and that her face was no longer downcast. <br />
<br />
That's the thing that just stuck out to me best. Hannah's faith in God changed her attitude toward her circumstances. She did not continue to dwell on what broke her heart, but instead walked away in good spirits, and she did so without a promise that she would recieve what she asked for. Perhaps there is a link between faith an attitude? Amandahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00907131024586024530noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3399352232458513694.post-44491018870691646342013-09-20T09:55:00.001-05:002013-09-21T08:38:16.209-05:00Genesis 22:1-14 Faith: Trusting God with EverythingOkay, This is going to have to be quick (hopefully) because I have to get some sleep before work. But I started this 30 day Bible Reading Plan that has different topics. I chose the topic of Faith, because I started reading a new book yesterday called When You Don't See His Plan: The Nadine Hennesey Story by Nadine Hennesey with Rebecca Baker. I got through the first chapter while waiting for my clothes to dry and I found myself longing to have a faith like the faith I was reading about, just in that first chapter. <br />
<br />
I imagine that my faith has always been rather small, and I don't want it to be that way anymore. Lack of faith immobilizes people, not just to do God's work, but in many areas of their life. Say I never leave my current job because I'm making more money than I've ever made in my life, I'm not struggling to make ends meet. I finally have a savings account, I'm helping my parents out... I'm supporting myself quite well.... But my job is not where I want to be permanently. Will I ever be able to leave this job? Not if I don't have the faith that God can and will take care of me no matter where I am. You get the point. I want to increase my faith. Through Prayer and Study, It will happen. <br />
<br />
So... onto Genesis 22:1-14<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<span style="color: yellow; font-size: x-small;">Some time later God tested<sup class="crossreference" value="(<a href="#cen-NIV-549A" title="See cross-reference A">A</a>)"></sup> Abraham. He said to him, “Abraham!”</span><span class="text Gen-22-1"><span style="color: yellow; font-size: x-small;">“Here I am,”<sup class="crossreference" value="(<a href="#cen-NIV-549B" title="See cross-reference B">B</a>)"></sup> he replied.</span></span><br />
<span style="color: yellow; font-size: x-small;"> </span><span class="text Gen-22-2" id="en-NIV-550"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="color: yellow;"><sup class="versenum">2 </sup>Then God said, “Take your son<sup class="crossreference" value="(<a href="#cen-NIV-550C" title="See cross-reference C">C</a>)"></sup>, your only son, whom you love—Isaac—and go to the region of Moriah.<sup class="crossreference" value="(<a href="#cen-NIV-550D" title="See cross-reference D">D</a>)"></sup> Sacrifice him there as a burnt offering<sup class="crossreference" value="(<a href="#cen-NIV-550E" title="See cross-reference E">E</a>)"></sup> on a mountain I will show you.<sup class="crossreference" value="(<a href="#cen-NIV-550F" title="See cross-reference F">F</a>)"></sup>”</span></span></span><br />
<span style="color: yellow; font-size: x-small;"> </span><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="color: yellow;"><span class="text Gen-22-3" id="en-NIV-551"><sup class="versenum">3 </sup>Early the next morning<sup class="crossreference" value="(<a href="#cen-NIV-551G" title="See cross-reference G">G</a>)"></sup> Abraham got up and loaded his donkey. He took with him two of his servants and his son Isaac. When he had cut enough wood for the burnt offering, he set out for the place God had told him about.</span> <span class="text Gen-22-4" id="en-NIV-552"><sup class="versenum">4 </sup>On the third day Abraham looked up and saw the place in the distance.</span> <span class="text Gen-22-5" id="en-NIV-553"><sup class="versenum">5 </sup>He said to his servants, “Stay here with the donkey while I and the boy go over there. We will worship and then we will come back to you.<sup class="crossreference" value="(<a href="#cen-NIV-553H" title="See cross-reference H">H</a>)"></sup>”</span></span></span><br />
<span style="color: yellow; font-size: x-small;"> </span><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="color: yellow;"><span class="text Gen-22-6" id="en-NIV-554"><sup class="versenum">6 </sup>Abraham took the wood for the burnt offering and placed it on his son Isaac,<sup class="crossreference" value="(<a href="#cen-NIV-554I" title="See cross-reference I">I</a>)"></sup> and he himself carried the fire and the knife.<sup class="crossreference" value="(<a href="#cen-NIV-554J" title="See cross-reference J">J</a>)"></sup> As the two of them went on together,</span> <span class="text Gen-22-7" id="en-NIV-555"><sup class="versenum">7 </sup>Isaac spoke up and said to his father Abraham, “Father?”</span></span></span><br />
<span class="text Gen-22-7"><span style="color: yellow; font-size: x-small;">“Yes, my son?” Abraham replied.</span></span><br />
<span class="text Gen-22-7"><span style="color: yellow; font-size: x-small;">“The fire and wood are here,” Isaac said, “but where is the lamb<sup class="crossreference" value="(<a href="#cen-NIV-555K" title="See cross-reference K">K</a>)"></sup> for the burnt offering?”</span></span><br />
<span style="color: yellow; font-size: x-small;"> </span><span class="text Gen-22-8" id="en-NIV-556"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="color: yellow;"><sup class="versenum">8 </sup>Abraham answered, “God himself will provide<sup class="crossreference" value="(<a href="#cen-NIV-556L" title="See cross-reference L">L</a>)"></sup> the lamb<sup class="crossreference" value="(<a href="#cen-NIV-556M" title="See cross-reference M">M</a>)"></sup> for the burnt offering, my son.” And the two of them went on together.</span></span></span><br />
<span style="color: yellow; font-size: x-small;"> </span><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="color: yellow;"><span class="text Gen-22-9" id="en-NIV-557"><sup class="versenum">9 </sup>When they reached the place God had told him about,<sup class="crossreference" value="(<a href="#cen-NIV-557N" title="See cross-reference N">N</a>)"></sup> Abraham built an altar<sup class="crossreference" value="(<a href="#cen-NIV-557O" title="See cross-reference O">O</a>)"></sup> there and arranged the wood<sup class="crossreference" value="(<a href="#cen-NIV-557P" title="See cross-reference P">P</a>)"></sup> on it. He bound his son Isaac and laid him on the altar,<sup class="crossreference" value="(<a href="#cen-NIV-557Q" title="See cross-reference Q">Q</a>)"></sup> on top of the wood.</span> <span class="text Gen-22-10" id="en-NIV-558"><sup class="versenum">10 </sup>Then he reached out his hand and took the knife<sup class="crossreference" value="(<a href="#cen-NIV-558R" title="See cross-reference R">R</a>)"></sup> to slay his son.<sup class="crossreference" value="(<a href="#cen-NIV-558S" title="See cross-reference S">S</a>)"></sup></span> <span class="text Gen-22-11" id="en-NIV-559"><sup class="versenum">11 </sup>But the angel of the <span class="small-caps" style="font-variant: small-caps;">Lord</span><sup class="crossreference" value="(<a href="#cen-NIV-559T" title="See cross-reference T">T</a>)"></sup> called out to him from heaven,<sup class="crossreference" value="(<a href="#cen-NIV-559U" title="See cross-reference U">U</a>)"></sup> “Abraham! Abraham!”<sup class="crossreference" value="(<a href="#cen-NIV-559V" title="See cross-reference V">V</a>)"></sup></span></span></span><br />
<span class="text Gen-22-11"><span style="color: yellow; font-size: x-small;">“Here I am,”<sup class="crossreference" value="(<a href="#cen-NIV-559W" title="See cross-reference W">W</a>)"></sup> he replied.</span></span><br />
<span style="color: yellow; font-size: x-small;"> </span><span class="text Gen-22-12" id="en-NIV-560"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="color: yellow;"><sup class="versenum">12 </sup>“Do not lay a hand on the boy,” he said. “Do not do anything to him. Now I know that you fear God,<sup class="crossreference" value="(<a href="#cen-NIV-560X" title="See cross-reference X">X</a>)"></sup> because you have not withheld from me your son, your only son.<sup class="crossreference" value="(<a href="#cen-NIV-560Y" title="See cross-reference Y">Y</a>)"></sup>”</span></span></span><br />
<span style="color: yellow; font-size: x-small;"> </span><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="color: yellow;"><span class="text Gen-22-13" id="en-NIV-561"><sup class="versenum">13 </sup>Abraham looked up and there in a thicket he saw a ram caught by its horns.<sup class="crossreference" value="(<a href="#cen-NIV-561Z" title="See cross-reference Z">Z</a>)"></sup> He went over and took the ram and sacrificed it as a burnt offering instead of his son.<sup class="crossreference" value="(<a href="#cen-NIV-561AA" title="See cross-reference AA">AA</a>)"></sup></span> <span class="text Gen-22-14" id="en-NIV-562"><sup class="versenum">14 </sup>So Abraham called<sup class="crossreference" value="(<a href="#cen-NIV-562AB" title="See cross-reference AB">AB</a>)"></sup> that place The <span class="small-caps" style="font-variant: small-caps;">Lord</span><sup class="crossreference" value="(<a href="#cen-NIV-562AC" title="See cross-reference AC">AC</a>)"></sup> Will Provide. And to this day it is said, “On the mountain of the <span class="small-caps" style="font-variant: small-caps;">Lord</span> it will be provided.<sup class="crossreference" value="(<a href="#cen-NIV-562AD" title="See cross-reference AD">AD</a>)"></sup>”</span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><span class="text Gen-22-14"></span></span> </blockquote>
I wanted to post the passage for easy reference. :-) So I was reading through this and there were a few things that stuck out to me. Since I seem to have a good memory for Scripture... or maybe it is just from my Bible Quizzing days... I recalled a few things from other parts of Scripture that I want to mention. For Example: <br />
<br />
There seems to be a bit of problem with Gods instructions to Abraham because just a chapter earlier, God said this to Abraham: <br />
<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<span style="color: yellow; font-size: x-small;">But God said to him, “Do not be so distressed about the boy and your slave woman. Listen to whatever Sarah tells you, because it is through Isaac that your offspring will be reckoned. (Genesis 21:12)</span><br />
</blockquote>
Dead men dont give offspring... do they? (Well, maybe with todays technology it might be possible) But the point is: this would have been something that set off an alarm in my mind. I imagine myself even arguing with God, "But God, You SAID!" But Abraham doesn't do that. Actually, Scripture doesn't tell us what Abrahams thoughts were, at least not in this passage (more on that in a moment). It simply says that Abraham left early the next morning to carry out God's request. <br />
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What was Abraham thinking? This was his son! The same same born to him and Sarah in their old age, whom God had promised that through him would become a great nation. Had God changed his mind? His plans? Was he incapable? Was he a liar? No. Was Abraham submitting to the idea that God gives and God takes away, and for some reason God had decided to take Isaac away? No, I don't think that's it either. We get the bigger picture to know that God was testing Abraham, but what must have been going on in Abrahams mind?<br />
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I think we find our answer to this question in the faith hall of fame: Hebrews 11:17-19<br />
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<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<span style="color: yellow;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span class="text Heb-11-17" id="en-NIV-30190"><sup class="versenum">17 </sup>By faith Abraham, when God tested him, offered Isaac as a sacrifice.<sup class="crossreference" value="(<a href="#cen-NIV-30190AI" title="See cross-reference AI">AI</a>)"></sup> He who had embraced the promises was about to sacrifice his one and only son,</span> <span class="text Heb-11-18" id="en-NIV-30191"><sup class="versenum">18 </sup>even though God had said to him, “It is through Isaac that your offspring will be reckoned</span> <span class="text Heb-11-19" id="en-NIV-30192"><sup class="versenum">19 </sup>Abraham reasoned that God could even raise the dead,<sup class="crossreference" value="(<a href="#cen-NIV-30192AK" title="See cross-reference AK">AK</a>)"></sup> and so in a manner of speaking he did receive Isaac back from death</span></span></span><br />
<span style="color: yellow;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span class="text Heb-11-19"></span></span></span> </blockquote>
This is a faith beyond the idea that God would raise his son, but a faith that God would still hold true to his previous promises enabled him to believe God would raise his son. <br />
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So I've been pondering this faith. How does someone come to have such faith? I reasoned it out this way: Faith comes from trust. Abraham trusted God. We trust because we believe we are loved, and when we believe we are loved we those who love us hold good intentions toward us. Love comes from knowing God. Knowing God comes from having a relationship with Him. Our Faith is expressed through obedience. <br />
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I'd like to explore this more, and maybe even write out a small group lesson or Bible study guide on it, but, I'll have to ponder this more later, because I'm now looking at 6 hours of sleep. So that's all for now. Amandahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00907131024586024530noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3399352232458513694.post-86735366102114029962013-05-17T08:10:00.000-05:002013-05-17T08:10:32.883-05:00Feeling violatedWell, I had two days off of work, which was nice. I feel like i'm getting more opportunities to hang out with my friends now that my schedule is less flexible. Does that fit the definition of ironic? Either way, I am pleased. It's nice to be able to get together with friends once in a while. <br />
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Work is.... Okay. I keep walking up on people masturbating. That has been uncomfortable. Some of them are simply getting caught by accident, but some of them are doing it to be seen, and that's simply irritating until one of the people that I walk up on tells me later that he "had a really good dream about me last night"...At that point I feel violated. I can only describe the feeling as being mentally raped. I can't control what thoughts go through a persons mind, but I can tell you that I will NEVER try to dress or act in a manner to make myself the object of someones lust. Thats something I just don't want.<br />
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But I think what's worse than that is that I found out that it has apparently been a topic of conversation among my COWORKERS of whether or not I am a virgin. That also makes me feel violated... I've never really had an issue or been embarassed to say that, yes, I am a virgin, in every sense and definition of the word, but to understand that my coworkers have discussed a matter that truly is very personal honestly gives me a sense of feeling violated. How does a person even have a conversation with someone about that? What do they say to one another? WHY ARE THEY EVEN INTERESTED IN DISCUSSING IT???? It's probably a good thing that I don't know who all of the people are who have been talking about it...<br />
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I don't even know what to think about that.... <br />
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I want to write more, but I'm really tired, so I think sleep is due. I'll write again another time. Amandahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00907131024586024530noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3399352232458513694.post-55790796464801950862013-04-24T10:50:00.000-05:002013-04-24T10:50:30.186-05:00Am I Worthy?Well, today is a day to just be transparent and unashamed.... <br />
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<div style="text-align: center;">
I desire marriage. </div>
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Yes. It's true. It's one of my hearts foremost desires. Maybe it's something that people could tell I've desired... or maybe I've kept it well hidden. Either way, I haven't spoken about it much...or at all really... especially in the past few years. It's only been recently that I've started following (publicly) any sort of marriage blog/facebook page. <br />
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There was a fear inside of me. A fear that if I simply spoke my desire, someone would tell me that I needed to take a good long look at myself and be realistic. How could marriage ever be for me? How could it ever be written in my future? Who would ever love me enough to want to marry me? For some reason completely beyond my own comprehension I felt completely and utterly unworthy of marriage.<br />
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I honestly don't know when I started to believe those lies [and what sick, cruel <strong><em>LIES</em></strong> they truly are!] But the fear inside me was sooooo deep that I couldn't even speak my desires for fear that someone would tell me that I was unworthy of marriage and confirm what I already feared... as though my own experience with singleness wasn't already evidence enough on it's own. <br />
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And the really sad part is that there are already so many well meaning people doing just that... when they bring up verses where Paul says it is better to remain single [1 Corinthians 7?].... as though this is some sort of honor. I'm not going to get into some huge complaining session about that because 1) that has been someone elses experience more often than it's been mine. 2) I truly and honestly believe that people mean well and dont intend to add to anyones hurt. and 3) I believe that passage of Scripture is worth studying and I don't want to taint it for myself or anyone else because Im complaining about someone elses regurgitated thoughts. <br />
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And so.... there came a point when I realized how there is such healing in confession... and how simply powerful words are. When we sin, we confess our sins and find healing, so does it not stand that if we confess our doubts or fears that we will also find healing in the confession? I think we do. <br />
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But more than just confessing those doubts or fears, I think there-in lies a responsibility to also confess the truth. <br />
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I am not unworthy of marriage. I am loved by God and I am <strong><em>HIS</em></strong> bride first. God wants to fulfill my desires in His time. I am simply to walk in Obedience. Amandahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00907131024586024530noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3399352232458513694.post-79904209018398590142013-04-13T09:32:00.003-05:002013-04-13T09:39:26.924-05:00Is God Holding Out on Us?<span style="color: #d5a6bd;">It can be quite humbling when God speaks to you...</span><br />
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Genesis 3:1-6... While I was still at Bethel, I studied this passage extensively for a sermon I was writing for my Homiletics class. I don't remember if this was one of the ones I actually used or not, but I feel a particular draw to the creation and fall of man... I think maybe that's because the story is all of our story. We find ourselves in this place again and again, sometimes by effort and sometimes by accident. So here we are... <br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<span style="color: yellow;"><em>Now the serpent was more crafty that any of the wild animals the Lord God had made. He said to the woman, "Did God really say, 'You must not eat from any tree in the garden' ?" The woman said to the serpent, "We may eat fruit from the trees in the garden, but God did say, 'You must not eat fruit from the tree that is in the middle of the garden, and you must not touch it, or you will die," "You will not surely die," the serpent said to the woman. "For God knows that when you eat of it, your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil." When the woman saw that the fruit of the tree was good for food and pleasing to the eyes, and also desirable for gaining wisdom, she took some and ate it. She also gave some to her husband, who was with her, and he ate it.</em> (NIV)</span></blockquote>
Satan is pretty crafty, isn't he?<br />
<br />
So Eve and Satan are having a conversation in the garden... a few question immediately come to mind... like 'I wonder if Eve ever questioned the fact that she was carrying on a conversation with a snake.' (Or maybe animals spoke and had language before the fall, but I don't know, that's beside the point anyway.) Or what their proximity to the tree was... did God give this message to Eve directly, or did Adam relay the message... If it was Adam, was he the one who added the part about not even touching it, or whatever... maybe those aren't relevant questions... <br />
<br />
What I really noticed though is how the enemy seemed to have a tactic. At the time I wrote this sermon, there was a cross over into the temptation of Jesus (Matthew 4:1-11), where I found the same basic tactics used. But these are the things I noticed: <br />
<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<span style="color: red;">1. Satan twisted God's words. </span><br />
<span style="color: red;">2. Satan lied about the consequences of Sin </span><br />
<span style="color: red;">3. Satan appealed to natural desires (and not always even bad desires) </span><br />
<span style="color: red;">4. Satan made Eve believe God was holding out on her </span><br />
<span style="color: red;">5. Satan made Eve believe she was entitled to it</span><br />
</blockquote>
I could probably address each one of these things separately, but I would probably be typing for a while... but perhaps I ought to study up on each one at some point.... How many times have we...how many times have<em> I</em>... fallen for these old tricks... time and time again?<br />
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Think about this for a moment... We start out with a desire for something, even a natural and healthy desire... so then we start believing we are entitled to it. When we believe that we are entitled to something, it naturally follows that we might end up believing that God is holding out on us. Once we believe that He is holding out on us we might twist God's word to justify our own sinful actions, and end up with the belief that there isnt, or shouldn't, be any consequences for our sin. <br />
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That's sad. (and quite honestly, I see this whole this process right before my eyes as the supreme court is preparing to rule on Gay marriage rights. I see it in the whole homosexual revolution. but I really don't wish to discuss it any further at this point in time) I see it in the sexual revolution. I see it in the consumerism around us. I see it in good and healthy things, too. Things that have been taken to extremes... like for myself this unhealthy intake of food. It could also be the healthy desire to be married or an honest desire for my car to start working after I've already replaced two parts on it... but my actions toward God in response to these desires may cause me to sin.<br />
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<span style="color: lime;">God is <u><span style="font-size: large;">not</span></u> holding out on us. I think sometimes we just lack understanding about God's purpose or plan.</span><br />
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<span style="color: cyan;">I think God simply desires obedience even (and especially) when we dont understand.</span> Amandahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00907131024586024530noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3399352232458513694.post-211791326855668102013-04-01T06:38:00.000-05:002013-04-01T06:38:00.299-05:00Progress with my paintingI'm very excited. I spent some time last night working on a painting that I started before Halloween in 2012. I've been having a hard time with it. I was just stuck...like when a writer gets writers block. I felt very much like I had "painters block". <br />
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:-) Theres no such thing though, right? <br />
<br />
Well, I decided to pick up a paint brush and just try again and I think I actually did something with it that I liked. I think one of the things that made the painting difficult for me was what to do with the butterfly. I must have five or six layers of paint where the butterfly is... but perhaps it was worth it. I'm not done with the painting, I still have a lot more I want to do with it, but I am excited enough that I just have to share progress!<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi4gPX-Krfbm2zNJj7Z7pct-KGou_GLDUeONxzgyowHDolSgWTa3_V269VHn7ZDCX9bdgAf_NQubwCbFxzNt2I6OI8DSLLDIpTjGmDzfsDM_4s_Z1fm0feNNu84fl7E5RDmaUAm6Ow9cQRY/s1600/2013-04-01_03_49_01.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi4gPX-Krfbm2zNJj7Z7pct-KGou_GLDUeONxzgyowHDolSgWTa3_V269VHn7ZDCX9bdgAf_NQubwCbFxzNt2I6OI8DSLLDIpTjGmDzfsDM_4s_Z1fm0feNNu84fl7E5RDmaUAm6Ow9cQRY/s320/2013-04-01_03_49_01.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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I hope to be able to finish it soon. This one will be better than the other butterfly painting. I think it already is. Amandahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00907131024586024530noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3399352232458513694.post-39275893698080055822013-04-01T00:21:00.000-05:002013-04-01T00:21:40.103-05:00Some thoughts on PregnancyI've had a myriad of thoughts running through my mind... I'm exposed to a lot of things... different opinions and viewpoints. I read, I listen, and I pay attention when people might think I'm not. And I research. I actually don't like to passively dismiss other viewpoints, even though some people might feel that if I disagree with them, then I've done exactly that....The point is this: When I make a decision about something or form an opinion on something... it's pretty rare that you'll find me uninformed. So I've been doing some thinking and researching. <br />
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One of the things I ran across today was a blogpost someone had posted on facebook where a woman had written about her pregnancy and how miserable it was for her. She wrote of crippling morning sickness, feeling bloated, weight gain, getting kicked in the spine and a whole host of other things. She sounded genuinely miserable during her pregnancy. But one thing she spoke of was the loneliness she felt.<br />
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This idea of pregnancy and birth being a beautiful thing was lost on this woman because of the miseries she felt, but the loneliness that followed her was the result of the "beauty of pregnancy" being lost on her. She felt outcasted and looked down upon because she didn't enjoy the experience and was actually chastized for it, and made to feel like she wouldn't be able to be a good mother. <br />
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On the flip side, I have also seen some women who have had difficulties trying to concieve or have miscarried who look at the complaints women who are miserable make, and are hurt by those complaints. <br />
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I have a friend who miscarried and she is now pregnant again and she thanks God for her morning sickness, and her back aches, and the frequent need to run to the restroom and all sorts of other miserable pregnancy symptoms because the truth of the matter is that those miserable symptoms of pregnancy are often signs that your body is doing exactly what it needs to produce a healthy baby. She knows that. I've also seen her comment after she originally miscarried that she would gladly take the symptoms other women were complaining about if it meant she could have her precious baby back in her womb. <br />
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.... It is difficult for me to say that I really know what either woman is going through, because I really don't. I've never been pregnant, I've never miscarried, I've never tried to concieve but found myself unable. I know being nauseated when I've got the flu is miserable for me, and I already feel like I use the restroom a lot as it it, but thats about the best I can do to identify with the first woman. The second woman... I think I actually identify with her more, which is crazy because I've never tried to concieve, let alone miscarried a child, right? <br />
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I think the reason I identify with the second woman is because my own fertility has come into question for me. I had an ovarian cyst (at least, that's what they believe it was) burst when I was in high school, and I believe it happened a second time when I was in college. Now there are other reasons for this thought, some of them are simply too personal to share. I try to blame my weight gain for any issues I have. I tell myself if I lose weight, the questions will go away because everything will go back to normal, but thats my guess. I couldn't really tell you what's going on in my body. <br />
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But what I can tell you is that the possibility of being infertile scares me... a lot. My hearts desire is to serve God through marriage and family. Im still working on the first part.... :-) But it can be a scary thing to think that you may have to deal with something that could keep you from your hearts desire. I have to continually put my hope back in God and remind myself that He is the giver of dreams and my life is complete in Him. Everything else is icing. I have to remind myself, and sometimes ask God to help me remember that I find my fulfilment in Him <em>alone </em>and if neither marriage nor bearing children is to never be a part of my life, then I will praise and love Him the same as if it were. <br />
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But that's beside the point I want to make. What I'm trying to say is that hearing other women complain about something that I want so much can be a sensitive issue for me too, even though I've never had trouble trying to concieve or difficulty maintaining the pregnancy because it's not a part of my life right now. It sometimes bothers me to hear other women complain about their symptoms because it just reminds me of a fear that Im already bringing to God on a daily basis. I can only imagine what it's like for women who are really experiencing what I only fear. <br />
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But does that mean the first woman was wrong? No, not really. Then, does it mean that I and the second woman are wrong about our feeling? Again, I really dont think so. <br />
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I truly and honestly believe pregnancy is a beautiful thing. It it simply amazing to me that a few small cells can become what you and I are today. It is amazing to me what a womans body does to accomodate the life that grows inside of her. I am fascinated by the love a mother can have for something that made her so miserable for nine months. <br />
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But I also know that God says to the woman in Scripture very plainly "I will greatly increase your pains in childbearing; with pain you will give birth to children." I feel like the first womans experience gave me a whole new insight to this verse. (it's not just about needing the epidural during the birth process, lol) There is indeed an ugliness that is associated with pregnancy. There is pain beyond the child leaving the womb. <br />
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What this leads me to is the question of how we minister to both of these women where they are at. The truth is that their feelings can easily feed off of one another. One needs hope, the other ecouragement. How can both have an outlet for their feelings without making the other feel bad somehow? <br />
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For now I guess thats going to be something I'll be trying to figure out. Amandahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00907131024586024530noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3399352232458513694.post-87970048066690866462013-03-26T06:47:00.000-05:002013-03-26T06:47:16.150-05:00They're just words, right?Wow, did I really have over 20 hits on my blog yesterday? About a quarter of them are always for a post I made on 'submission'. I get hits on my blog for that post every day. I know I've commented on that fact several times now, but it still suprises me and somewhat un-nerves me. <br />
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I think the reason for that is this: larger my audience is, the more I feel the weight of the need for the things I say and do to reflect God <em>accurately.</em> Get what I'm saying? My thoughts on this blog are not private. People read them. Apparently, quite a few people are reading them. My words hold weight. They have the power to influence people in many ways if people actually listen to them. <br />
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Proverbs 18:21 tells us that the power of life and death is in the tongue. I believe the word <em>tongue</em> could very easily be a word used to mean our words, our tone, and the meaning behind it all. Kind of all encompassing in a sense... <br />
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The question comes to mind... is what I'm saying bringing life or death to people? Are my words on their screen leading them closer to God? or further away from him? <br />
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There may be nothing wrong with the blogpost I made on submission, but just the mere fact that I have an audience for that particular post makes me want to be absolutely sure. Not just sure about that post, but all the posts I make. <br />
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So with that in mind, I think I'm going to spend a little more time thinking about the post I originally intended to make when signed on. Amandahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00907131024586024530noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3399352232458513694.post-80691368481282849712013-03-21T03:52:00.000-05:002013-03-21T03:52:51.832-05:00Are we missing God's faithfulness in our lives? You would think that being forced into solitude would make you a bit more productive.... Well it hasn't yet. At least I don't think so. I'm still adjusting to my new work schedule, but I am finding it a little bit easier to stay up later. I actually slept until almost 5pm (I want to say today, but it was actually yesterday) after I got off of work. I wanted to get up at 2pm but that would have given me less than 6 hours of sleep, so I just slept until I was done being tired. I know I slept more than 8 hours. It's weird. When I work, if I sleep more than 7 hours, I get a headache, but once I get a day off, I can easily sleep 9 (or more) hours if I want....<br />
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But that's all beside the point. I'm happy that I'm adjusting to the new schedule, I just want to be more productive at night when no one else is up. <br />
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So anyway, every day, I listen to the Daily Audio Bible (<a href="http://www.dailyaudiobible.com/">www.dailyaudiobible.com</a>) on my way to work. I have found this to be an incredible tool in my life. I'm finding myself becoming rather absorbed into the passages as I listen, and I love the thoughts that Brian gives before/after the reading. I think this really works for me because I try to read through Scripture and there will be times when I am just not in it so it's like I'm reading to finish and I absorb nothing that I read.<br />
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The readings have been in (I think) Numbers in the OT, and we just started Mark, in the NT, and there is always a Psalm and Proverb. In Numbers, we've been listening to the journey of the Israelites in the desert, and one thing struck me one day on the way to work. <br />
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For the past.... I don't even know how many chapters we've read through.... but the Israelites have been complaining, sinning, and repenting in cycles, and God has been dealing with them accordingly. A while back they left the desert and complained to Moses that they had nothing to eat and that he had brought them out of Egypt to die in the desert... Well, recently God was giving instructions about certain sacrifices and such, and there was mention of sacrificing bulls, and the number was so large... I think it said something like Sacrifice for 7 days, reducing the amount each day so that on the 7th day, there are 7 bull sacrifices. I might not be remembering that correctly, but the important part was that it made me think about something. <br />
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Where did the Israelites get all these bulls to sacrifice? From their flocks and herds, some of which, perhaps, were given as a parting gift from the Israelites. (Although I'm not sure about the second one, because I thought one of the plagues might have destroyed any flocks or herds owned by the Egyptians...but then, Pharoah granted Joseph to give his brothers the land of Goshen because they were Shepherds and Shepherd were detestable to Egyptians, so that begs the question of whether they any... I'm just going to have to go back and re-read). But thats a tangent that doesn't matter anyway....<br />
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The thing that struck me is that they must have massive amounts of sheep and cattle... they were wandering through a desert... not a lush promised land... a desert. Now maybe not all of the land was sand and barren wasteland, but we are talking about a desert. The land wasn't exactly equipped to provide for the needs of millions of men and women, let alone their flocks and herds. And they Israelites cried out against Moses and God saying they were led out of Egypt to die in the desert. And then God provided manna.<br />
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Is it funny that my thoughts were to wonder what the flocks and herds ate? God <em><strong>MUST</strong></em> have provided for them. Maybe they ate the manna off the ground. Maybe the Israelites brought grain with them (there was a requirement for a grain sacrifice too, so perhaps?) Maybe they ate sand. Who knows. But the bottom line is that God had to have provided... But I don't think this was even a concern of the Israelites. At least I can't recall it ever being mentioned in Scripture. Maybe it just wasn't an important concern. Or maybe you just don't care about some things when you're own life appears to be hanging by a thread. <br />
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But doesn't that lead you to think about God's provision? In the midst of the desert, The Isrealites were concerned about what they were going to eat, but even their flocks and herds had provisions. <br />
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That leads me to the verse in Matthew 6:26 "Look at the birds of the air [or in this case sheep and cattle]; they do not sow or reap or store away in bards, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable they they?"<br />
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Hindsight is always 20/20, so I don't say this as a judgement on the Israelites, but as an object lesson. God's faithfulness was staring the Israelites in the face, and they couldn't see it because they were blinded by their own concerns. <br />
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In the same way, God's faithfulness stares us in the face day after day and we miss it! We don't see it. In the Old Testament, the Israelites own flocks and herds should have been a clue of his love and provision. What clues of God's faithfulness are we missing today? <br />
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But I can't stop there. Seriously. I cant end it there. I don't know if anyone is actually reading what I write, but if you are, this is not just about food. God provides for <strong><em>ALL</em></strong> of our needs. We may have to check ourselves and decide in our own hearts what is actually a need and what it simply desire (by the way, God sometimes even provides for desire too. Check it: The Isrealites longed for meat, and God gave them quail, and actually told them they would have so much of it, that they would become sick of it). <br />
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I know that I don't always understand God's ways, and I know that sometimes his provisions are not what I expect or even sometimes the way I wanted it. But He still provides, in His time, and in His way because He loves us. HE LOVES US!!!!<br />
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Amandahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00907131024586024530noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3399352232458513694.post-3982380721709612352013-03-16T20:35:00.002-05:002013-03-16T20:35:15.762-05:00God is the Great RomancerOne of the things I think becomes evident to a person as they fall deeper in love with God is the realitity that He is more than Savior, more than friend, more than Father, more than creator, more than whatever role you choose to describe him. He is not one thing to us, He is all, and in all, and over all... He reveals a little more of His character to us as we have that need for Him.<br />
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God is the Great Romancer. He is husband, and He is lover. And sometimes He gives us a little poetry. This is gold. <br />
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Amandahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00907131024586024530noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3399352232458513694.post-50837927316466279382013-01-28T23:24:00.000-06:002013-01-28T23:24:37.759-06:00Online Dating?Well, I had an interesting revelation tonight. I saw a commercial for that Christian Mingle website, and it was really kind of funny because in that moment, I realized why I am so adamantly against using a dating website. <br />
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I admit, every now and then i get a little bit lonely. (LOL, song lyrics) and wonder where my beloved is, and I've even expressed to a few people that I wondered where God was in my relationships, just to get the question "Have you tried online dating?"<br />
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Now, I knew that, to me, using a dating website screamed desparate despite the fact that its becoming more and more common to do so. Even then, I still couldn't shake the feeling. I've even signed up for a dating website. It was eharmony. Honestly, I wanted the personality test, but that didn't stop me from browsing to see what was out there. <br />
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Yeah... I closed the account after I got the results of my test (and took a peek at my "matches").... and a second reason suddenly occured to me why I don't like them. I'll just start with that second reason now. <br />
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It's like a meat market. almost a.... catolog, if you will... You fill out information about yourself, you put up your best pictures and you wait to be picked. Disgusting. <br />
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That's to top off the 1st revelation I had. Dating websites seem to skip the friendship and go straight to lovers. I know that people don't have to be friends first in order to care about their beloved, but I can't tell you how many people I know who consider their beloved to be their best friend. Why would a person want to skip that process which is so crucial to the development of a relationship?<br />
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Now I have to give an eighth of a credit to eharmony for the process they take people through before you can see the next bit of information.... but only that small bit of credit.. While that process had the potential to build a friendship, it's really, truly a weeding out process.<br />
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Can I live with this persons quirks? Is this persons body shapely enough to feed my lust? Everything is hanging on where this person wants to go on our first date!. <br />
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Do you get what I'm saying? It's basically people looking for that which does not exist. The person who knows how to answer every question right. The perfect person. And what happens to all those people who don't measure up to whatever standard their potential lover has set for them? Well, they either settle for less than God's best, or they end up paying for a dating service that doesn't get them anywhere. And what about those people who did get picked? Who somehow "measured up" to someone elses standard? I honestly believe that one or both of them was or will be disappoined. <br />
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Maybe the next time someone asks me if I've considered online dating, I will tell them yes, and I've decided its definitely now for me. Amandahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00907131024586024530noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3399352232458513694.post-68702527666861736142013-01-22T23:29:00.000-06:002013-01-22T23:29:00.236-06:00Trust in the LordDo you ever have those moments when you have a revelation about something, and then you feel kind of dumb about it because you get that "I should have known better" thing going on? <br />
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Yeah... that happened to me today. <br />
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The revelation was pretty simple, as I was driving home from work, I was listening to the radio and it was one of those quick ads on WFRN 104.7 where they give the verse quickly and get the point across in a few sentences. I didn't hear the quick message because I got distracted by the verse. It was Proverbs 3:5-6<br />
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<em>Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not rely on your own insight. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths. (NRSV)</em><br />
(Just a quick sidenote, The radio used the NIV, but I am loving the NRSV translation). <br />
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Do you see what is happening here? <br />
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This verse is like a blue print!!!! If the goal given us in this verse is to have our paths made straight, we are given instructions with what we need to do to achieve that goal. First, by trusting in the Lord with all our heart, and also by acknowledging God in everything. <br />
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So trusting God can be really hard sometimes, especially when your hope of a future seems dim. At times I would venture to say that acknowledging God in everything can be easier than trusting him with all your heart. How does a person continue to trust God so much when they feel like they are constantly given reasons and experiences that undermine the idea that we are to fully trust God?<br />
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And so I realized I've been reading the verse more like this: <br />
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<em>Trust in the Lord with all your heart. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths. </em><br />
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How can I brush over such a vital part of the verse? I'm going to stick by the idea that this verse is a blue print because it really seems to work. That part of the verse that got overlooked is the part of the verse that tells me HOW to do this whole trust thing. <br />
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When we recognize that we can't look to our own understanding (or insight), it is then that we are able to view the situation from a different point of view that could very well alter our (subconsious?) response to trusting God with everything or not. <br />
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This is the way I see it. If it is my desire to get married, and I believe God had shown me that marriage will be a part of my future, but I'm not dating anyone, and I haven't been dating anyone for a long time... and come to think of it, I'm not really meeting anyone who is a good prospect to be a Godly husband.... I might begin to doubt what I believe God had revealed to me. <br />
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But that's because my thinking is: I'm not dating anyone, I don't see anyone who is "God-approved" for me to date in the future. Maybe God didn't reveal that marriage would be a part of my life. God doesn't care about my desires.Therefore, I can't trust him with my heart. <br />
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Wow. But when we realize that we don't always know why God allows the things he does, we can start to make a different perspective. <br />
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Maybe God is keeping me single because I have some growing or healing to do (Or maybe my beloved does). Or maybe God knows that I want to finish college first (or fill in the blank). Maybe I'm not walking in obedience to God and He is waiting on me. Maybe it's just not time yet, and we will never know the reason why. <br />
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But whether the issue is marriage or some other desire, the realization that our own way of understanding things is hardly adequate for interpreting whether God is trustworthy. His ways are not our ways. He sees beyond what we can see.<br />
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Sometimes we have to have this realization 5 or 6 times before it sinkes in. Amandahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00907131024586024530noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3399352232458513694.post-69939160621829122892013-01-13T00:26:00.000-06:002013-01-13T00:26:32.406-06:00A Closer look at DisciplineThis week has been quite a mix of things for me.. I don't really know how to expand on that. I've finished my first week of training at my new job. Right now we are doing classroom training, and that whole process will last about 4 weeks total. The classes are a string of information overload and somewhat overwhelming because of that, but I do think the process is good because it is setting the foundation for the 'on the job' training that we will be starting in 3 weeks time.Who doesn't want to be prepared for that? <br />
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Mixed in with this training is my personal goal to becoming a God honoring eater.... for lack of a better term, I guess. More descriptively, I want to teach myself to run to God when my head tells me I'm hungry, and when my stomach tells me I'm hungry, go ahead and eat all that my body is calling for and nothing more, in order to take my focus off of food and put it on God where it belongs. This is the whole premise of the weighdown workshop (founded by Gwen Shamblin). <br />
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I'm running into some difficulty, my desire and my will have been battling, and my desire has won out over my will too many times, usually when I get home from work and my stomach is growling and I make myself a snack and end up eating way more than I need....<br />
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It brings me back to that verse in Romans <em>"I do not understand my own actions. For I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate." </em> (chapter 7 verse 15)<br />
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I've been kicking myself a bit over this. <br />
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But one thing that I'm reminded of... (Actually, I've had this verse just pop into my head several times this week) whether I'm feeling overloaded with information from training, or kicking myself for overindulgence, is of that verse in Hebrews 12:11 <em>"No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it."</em> <br />
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So naturally, my mind had dwelled on this verse, I've thought it over, mulled it around in my head, thought about its application, actually looked up a commentary on it... and since I have it memorized (Thank you Bible Quizzing!) I seem to go throughout my day meditating on it. <br />
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A few things caught my attention. First, I thought about the parts of the verse that seem to indicate time. When I'm sick or in pain for any length of time, I actually console myself and get through it by reminding myself that it won't last forever. I literally tell myself that I won't remember this pain in 6 months. It's crazy how well that works. But perhaps that the reason this first part stuck out to me is because I realized that it will be the same way with my "discipline".<br />
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<span style="color: red;">I will not suffer forerver</span>. Classroom training will end (probably before I'm ready for it) and someday I will no longer struggle with the desire to overeat. <br />
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Then I thought about how this is discipline. Discipline does not necessarily mean punishment, although it may certainly include punishment. Another word that could very well fit in place of discipline is training. So in essense, the difficulty that I'm having, the challenge of the things I'm working toward are certainly great, but they are not difficult because I'm being punished. <span style="color: yellow;">They are difficult because I have not trained myself in them yet</span>. <span style="color: red;">God is not punishing me</span>. <br />
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And lastly, I found myself considering the last part of the verse. The part that says "<em>for those who have been trained by it</em>". I've mulled this over in my head for a while, and I've looked up different translations and they all seem to indicate the same thing to me. <span style="color: red;">I have a choice as to how this discipline effects me, </span><span style="background-color: white; color: yellow;">but I think that lends itself mostly to the<span style="font-size: large;"> <span style="color: #ffe599;">attitude</span></span> I take toward the discipline</span>. It seems to imply that there are people who are trained by discipline and some who aren't. So essentially, I can choose to believe God is just trying to punish me, or I can choose to believe that God is trying to better me and let the discpline train me (and produce a harvest of righteousness and peace in me). <br />
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And so I shall return to my coping mechanism and remind myself that my training will not last forever. :-)Amandahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00907131024586024530noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3399352232458513694.post-91214711655811667372013-01-09T22:29:00.002-06:002013-01-09T22:29:43.012-06:00Update, Job, Church, etc. Well, I was planning to be in bed by ten, but I actually just got home from church a few minutes ago, and I still want to make my lunch and lay out clothes for tomorrow. I have to be up at 5:30 because I need to be to work at 7am. And that was because I was hired at a new job. Yay. That was the thing I was talking about in my last post that I didn't want to say until I knew more. So yes, that did come to pass. <br />
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On another note, I'm going through training, and I don't want to even say <em>where </em>I'm working now because of what they've been talking to us about with being in a public office. It's weird to say that, I work for the state, but to call my position a public office is strange and foreign to me. I don't suspect I will talk much about my new job, just for the fact that I don't want to breach privacy, and I don't want anyone to think that anything I'm saying is on behalf of my employment because im definitely NOT. I represent myself and all opinion <em>unless otherwise referenced</em> are <strong>my own</strong> and not representative of anyone or anything else. <br />
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I'm glad we have that covered. <br />
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I decided to skip on any new years posts. I originally wanted to write something up, because every year I go over the past year month by month, but I realized that I could hardly remember anything significant or even remotely important to me happening last year. I'm sure there were things that did, but my memory of this past year is almost non-existant. <br />
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So then I thought about making a resolution or two, but I decided against that. I thought to myself... "Why? Why January 1? Why not December 14? Why Not April 6?" I mean, if we are going to improve ourselves why wait for a specific date? Why don't we just start where we are now? And instead of setting ourselves up for failure by trying to do 6 things all in January at one time, and then fizzling out and feeling like failures for the rest of the year, why not pace ourselves and work on change one thing at a time? Isn't that better than overburdening ourselves? <br />
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So this year, I have not made any resolutions, and I'm quite okay with that. Oh, believe me, I understand the depths of my imperfection are deep, but I also know that I serve an incredible and merciful God. And this God, though He helps me in my weakness, also knows that I can be a stubborn fool who feels overwhelmed when more is asked of me than I think I can handle. :-) And then his mercy is renewed. <br />
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I can tell you my dreams for this year. But, when I really think about that, my dreams are so much bigger than <em>this year</em>. Actually... they pretty much encompass the rest of my life, but I'm working toward them this year, just as I was thinking about them and planning for them last year, and just like I will continue in them next year. I think, though, that I will have to dedicate a whole post on it's own to expressing the dreams I've been given for my life. They are, in a word.... Lofty. At least, they are to me. <br />
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So anyway, now we come to the whole point of this post. LOL. I was at church tonight for the Wednesday evening service. This is not my home church, LifeBridge, but just one that I really enjoy going to on Wednesday nights. The pastor had a lot to say. Well, perhaps God had a lot to say... :-) The service was, in the simplest terms, powerful. It often is, though.<br />
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I cant express how many times I have been inspired, encouraged, cut to the heart, challenged, and just felt like God was speaking directly to my heart. I am amazed at the things happening at Victory Christian Center. <br />
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But anyway, tonight one of the things he spoke about was "the fire" in your heart and he said something along the lines of "a lack of prayer in your life could indicate a weak spiritual life." I was just immediately struck with the truth of that statement. The times in my life when I have been weakest spiritually were the times when I wasn't praying. He gave us Scipture from Romans 12:11,12 (and some other verses that I don't remember because I didn't write them down). And he talked a bit about prayer from there and how it is like fuel to a fire. He gave an excerpt from Pilgrims Progress where Christian comes to a man that keeps throwing water on another man, and then a man behind a wall secretly pouring oil onto the man getting soaked with the water (as well as the explanation behind it.) I need to reread that book. I read enough of it for my British Lit class, but I don't remember much of it. <br />
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During service I kept noticing that a man and a woman (whom I met before and know to be husband and wife probably closer to my parents age than to mine) had looked in my direction several times. So I decided to go say hi to them after it ended. When I went over there, the woman said her husband said that there was something about me that stands out, and that they needed to know more about me. I thought, oh, that's weird.... <br />
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Isn't it crazy how our minds seem to imediately interpret this as being a negative thing? I don't know why I stood out to them. I don't know if its a good thing, a bad thing, or just nothing. They did say that they were praying for me. So I guess I'll take it at face value, but it still leaves me with the question in my mind, why did I stand out? What does that mean. <br />
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I guess thats all. Amandahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00907131024586024530noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3399352232458513694.post-26960871557959510122012-12-04T21:12:00.001-06:002012-12-04T21:12:56.624-06:00New opportunities and cell phonesAh, the post that comes after an eternity (or two months) of not writing anything. My silence is hardly noteworthy, but today I actually have something to say. <br />
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Once again I am in a stage of transition. I don't recall my feelings toward transition the last time I was in it, but I am actually kind of looking forward to some of the changes that might be taking place. <br />
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Some of the changes I don't want to go into detail about because a blog is a very public forum and plans have not been confirmed yet, and I don't want news getting back to people before it's actually news. I know I can set the blog to private, but I want it to stay public right now. <br />
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So the closer it gets to January 19, the more excited I become.... reason being that my car will be paid off then and it will become officially my car. No more lease, no more bi-weekly car payments, my car insurance bill can be reduced. It's just an overall good feeling. It's also a good feeling to know that I will have done something good for myself. Let's just hope it doesn't break down right after I finish paying it off. :-)<br />
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I'm thrilled about the prospect of having the extra money around just for that. Ofcourse, much of it will be eaten up by paying off my student loans,(I can't keep it on deferment/forbearance forever!) It would be nice to have a degree to show for the student loans I'm paying for... but perhaps my new opportunity that I don't want to share yet could open the doors to finishing my degree. <br />
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I still want to finish my degree in Youth Ministry, but I kind of want to add another major or minor... in sociology. I loved my sociology class in college, and I've always thought it would be complementary to a degree in youth ministry, but the more I read up on it, the more I've been seeing that a sociology degree is actually a good degree to have for almost any job you can get. <br />
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In other news, though probably not as exciting or interesting, I kind of feel like I scored a gold mine with a deal I just got with T-mobile. I'm adding a line to my account to get the family shared plan and putting my parents on the new line to help both of us reduce what we are spending on our phone plans. I thought I found a good deal online, but I would need to order a phone for them too, so I was looking at the cheapest options I could while still getting them the type of phone they wanted, and I finally settled on a phone that required a down payment, but you could make monthly installments on it. Not what I really wanted to do because adding the phone with monthly installments would be counterproductive to reducing cost. <br />
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But then I found one that was a $35 down payment, with a $7.25 monthly installment and I thought, hey, that might work. So I got ready to check out and everything, but decided not to and to go to a tmobile store instead and see if they could help me to find a better deal. Well, I got there, and the guy was very helpful and very friendly for as much as he could do, but altogether, going to the store was not much help at all. The guy was not qualified to set up services. Again, this is not a jab at the guy, because he was very friendly and helped the best he could, but I didn't understand why they had him working at a T-mobile store if he wasn't qualified to help set up service for people. So anyway, he referred me to call t-mobile's support and talk to someone there because they would be able to help me get set up with everything I need. <br />
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So after Dad and I got home I called T-mobile support and spoke with a representative with an accent that was difficult to understand, and I'm not sure she understood too much English herself. As I spoke with her I became increasingly frustrated because I felt like she wasn't hearing/understanding/listening to/caring about what I was actually saying. Like, I told her I was interested in upgrading my phone to the Galaxy 3 and I had considered the installment plan, but I couldn't afford the $99 down payment at this time and wanted to know if there were other options. She took that as I couldn't afford a down payment at all. I told her I can afford some down payment but not $99, and she just couldn't seem to grasp that concept. <br />
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I asked about options for free phones for starting new lines, she told me T-mobile doesn't do free phones because I'm on a value plan. So I asked about switching back to the classic plan, she said it's not possible because the classic plan would be more expensive than the value plan. I said okay, well, do I qualify for my free upgrade yet (because if i do, i would give my parents my old phone) She told me T-mobile doesn't do free upgrades. Long story shortened, I finally gave up talking to her, told her she wasn't helping me and hung up. <br />
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So I went on line to find the deal I had originally found and was just going to purchase a phone for my parents, but at the last minute I decided to call the support line on the website to make sure that the new balance they were giving me for the family plan was actually what total new monthly payments would be (before tax), and not just an added addition to the $65 I already pay each month. <br />
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So while I was talking with her and explaining my thoughts, she started telling me about specials that t-mobile had going on and again, long story shortened, I now have on order a free phone for my parents, comparable to the Galaxy S i currently have, for starting a new plan with a waived activation fee and $79 monthly payments for the family plan that includes 1000 shared anytime minutes, unlimited nights, weekends, and tmobile to tmobile minutes, unlimited texting, and unlimited plus data plan. The first woman told me that wasn't possible. <br />
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Amandahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00907131024586024530noreply@blogger.com0