Am I dumb?

 Am I dumb? 

Am I too dumb to know that I'm dumb?   

Am I the kind of dumb that people go "oh bless her heart"  after I leave?

I don't generally feel that I am particularly unintelligent... that is until I feel that someone has perceived me that way.  Then I question my whole world. 

I am well aware that there is plenty of stuff that I don't know and a lot I don't understand.  I don't know why this particular insecurity runs so deep with me but I just don't want to be dumb.  Maybe I tie my self worth to my intelligence.  Or maybe I feel like there are so many other negative things that people perceive about me that I just don't want there to be another thing to make people dislike me or make fun of me for.... or maybe both. 

I think my feelings today were triggered by a conversation at work. I wasn't actively involved in the conversation, but I've given my thoughts on it a time or two. The conversation was centered around why the girls in and close by my cell don't like the second shift supervisor.  For me the answer is that he talks down to women... like we are dumb.  I guess I figured this was common to the place where I work because I have heard other women make the same complaint... but I guess it's not.   Every one of the girls involved in the conversation said the supervisor doesn't talk to them that way.  I guess it made me wonder why I was the only girl around who felt that the supervisor talked to me like I was stupid and it made me wonder why.  It made me question if I actually am stupid and just don't know it. 

I'm sure these feelings will pass... but for now I'm left to wonder.