I'm not even sure where to begin... Last Thursday my cousin Rebecca talked me into reading the first Twilight book. I've always been skeptical, or perhaps uncaring or indifferent regarding the books. "Oh just another teenybopper lovestory." But now that I've finished reading the first two books I feel this odd connection to the stories. I admit, I was hooked from Chapter one of the first book.
The author, I believe, is a genius. She takes you into the story from the beginning. You connect with the characters in this deeply intense way...Well, maybe. I don't know if it's just me, or if other people actually experience this too, but when I'm reading it's like the rest of the world doesn't exist. I am Bella Swan. OH, not literally, of course. But I am her, I experience her emotion, I hear her thoughts, I feel her pain, I know her confusion, I felt her fear, I love as she loves and I long as she longed. When she felt empty, I did too. When her heart fluttered, mine did too. When she missed Edward, I did too. Her world was my world.
Even now, I have finished book two (New Moon) and I feel emotion...I feel messed up emotionally from feeling the trama described in the book. I don't know what other way to explain this, but even though there was nothing remotely sexual in the books, I can only describe it as emotional pornography. It's like... I'm experiencing emotions I shouldn't feel.
As Bella, I love Edward, but mostly, realistically, I think I'm in love with the idea of romance. The idea of the perfect Romeo and Juliet, the one that doesn't end in tragedy. The idea of being this fragile, beautiful being capable of loving and holding on to love unlike any other being even though I can't see it in myself. Of being loved so wholly and completely loved by the one I'm least worthy of being loved by... By the forbidden one, only found in a fairy tell, someone who 'thirsts' for me in a way deeper than physical. Someone who if he did not love me, would be utterly dangerous to me. Someone who's desire is to protect me. Someone who seeks good despite what he is made to be. That list could probably go on, but truly, it's the idea of Romance, the idea of the person. The idea of the supernatural, of the unbelievable, of what couldn't be real, but is...
And so I was thinking about that. Why do I love the idea of love and romance, or of existing in the midst of the impossible?
Why do you?
Thursday, April 30, 2009
Saturday, April 25, 2009
Dandelions
Dandelions (5ive Iron Frenzy)
In a field of yellow flowers,
underneath the sun,
bluest eyes that spark with lightning,
boy with shoes undone.
He is young, so full of hope,
reveling in tiny dreams,
filling up, his arms with flowers,
right for giving any queen.
Running to her beaming bright,
while cradling his prize.
A flickering of yellow light,
within his mother's eyes.
She holds them to her heart,
keeping them where they'll be safe,
clasped within her very marrow,
dandelions in a vase.
She sees love,
where anyone else would see weeds.
all hope is found.
Here is everything he needs.
Fathomless your endless mercy,
weight I could not lift.
Where do I fit in this puzzle,
what good are these gifts?
Not a martyr, or a saint,
scarcely can I struggle through.
All that I have ever wanted,
was to give my best to you.
Lord, search my heart,
create in me something clean.
Dandelions
you see flowers
you see flowers
in these weeds.
Gently lifting hands to heaven,
softened by the sweetest hush,
a Father sings over his children,
loving them so very much.
More than words could warrant,
deeper than the darkest blue,
more than sacrifice could merit,
Lord, I give my heart to you.
I took this picture this afternoon. A few days ago my dad made a comment about how he hates Dandelions and how he things they make the yard look awful. I think it's beautiful... Spots of golden yellow scattered through the bright green grass.
This past week, I went outside with the Autistic boy I work with (we were having gym). I've always suspected that he was sweet on another little girl in his class, anyway he sees a dandelion, picks it up and walks over to the girl in the middle of the kick ball game and give's her the flower. When she took it from him, he walked away saying "She likes me! She likes me!" It was cute.
Tuesday, April 21, 2009
Waiting for the Kingdom
Okay, so I definitely think it's awesome that I can post entries to my blog using my texting service, but I only get 200 texts per month so it might be a good idea to be conservitive with that.
One thing that has been really bothering me is the corruption I've been seeing in the world recently. I know I've said this before, and I'm pretty much continuously bothered by it, but I'm anxious about it today. Everyday I hear something on the radio, see something on the news, or read something on my web homepage about someone dying at the hand of another person. The news is about rapes, murders, arsons, frauds, corruption in the government, greed, bigotry, racism, sexism, pirates, kidnappings... and the list goes on!
Even now my dad is watching something about conspiracy theories about 9-11. I don't want to believe the planes hitting the world trade center was an inside job, but with the corruption I've been seeing in the government and in the world it's not so hard to believe that anymore.
I hate shows like TMZ that promote gossip, and I hate the way they tear people down and make fun of them. I hate advertisements like the ones I posted previously. I hate the current persception of beauty and body image. I hate that I'm seeing the people I care most about buying into the lies of the world.
Satan has certainly wreaked havok on this world and everyone in it. Admittedly, I am discouraged, but it makes me cling all the more to the truth of God, and the promise of His Kingdom. It also gives me a greater sense of urgency to tell people about God and His Kingdom. I want to know God more, I want others to know Him. I want people to develop a true passion for God's Kingdom.
So many people don't understand. So many people don't know. I feel like Jesus looking at the ccrowds and weeping over them because the people were lost, like sheep without a shepherd.
One thing that has been really bothering me is the corruption I've been seeing in the world recently. I know I've said this before, and I'm pretty much continuously bothered by it, but I'm anxious about it today. Everyday I hear something on the radio, see something on the news, or read something on my web homepage about someone dying at the hand of another person. The news is about rapes, murders, arsons, frauds, corruption in the government, greed, bigotry, racism, sexism, pirates, kidnappings... and the list goes on!
Even now my dad is watching something about conspiracy theories about 9-11. I don't want to believe the planes hitting the world trade center was an inside job, but with the corruption I've been seeing in the government and in the world it's not so hard to believe that anymore.
I hate shows like TMZ that promote gossip, and I hate the way they tear people down and make fun of them. I hate advertisements like the ones I posted previously. I hate the current persception of beauty and body image. I hate that I'm seeing the people I care most about buying into the lies of the world.
Satan has certainly wreaked havok on this world and everyone in it. Admittedly, I am discouraged, but it makes me cling all the more to the truth of God, and the promise of His Kingdom. It also gives me a greater sense of urgency to tell people about God and His Kingdom. I want to know God more, I want others to know Him. I want people to develop a true passion for God's Kingdom.
So many people don't understand. So many people don't know. I feel like Jesus looking at the ccrowds and weeping over them because the people were lost, like sheep without a shepherd.
Monday, April 20, 2009
Beauty and Advertisements
You're too fat and that makes you look old. Apparently old means ugly. You need slimming tablets...
As if not having white enough teeth wasn't already a problem...now we have even less of a reason to smile.
Because you're not good enough the way you are already...
They try to tell us whether we are beautiful or not.
And if we're not, they have tons of beauty tips and plastic surgery is always available.
And if beauty tips and cosmetic surgery doesn't fix you, you can always turn to the websites that give you tips on being anorexic.
Thursday, April 2, 2009
Isaiah 40:28-31
Do you not know? Have you not heard?
The Everlasting God, the Lord, the Creator of the ends of the earth does not become weary or tired.
His understanding is inscrutable.
He gives strength to the weary,
And to him who lacks might He increases power.
Though youths grow weary and tired,
And vigorous young men stumble badly,
Yet those who wait for the Lord
Will gain new strength;
They will mount up with wings like eagles,
They will run and not get tired,
They will walk and not become weary.
God showed me this passage of Scripture last night, and today He let me experience it. I think tomorrow I must be on my guard for now it is my responsibility to practice what God has shown me.
The Everlasting God, the Lord, the Creator of the ends of the earth does not become weary or tired.
His understanding is inscrutable.
He gives strength to the weary,
And to him who lacks might He increases power.
Though youths grow weary and tired,
And vigorous young men stumble badly,
Yet those who wait for the Lord
Will gain new strength;
They will mount up with wings like eagles,
They will run and not get tired,
They will walk and not become weary.
God showed me this passage of Scripture last night, and today He let me experience it. I think tomorrow I must be on my guard for now it is my responsibility to practice what God has shown me.
Wednesday, April 1, 2009
Work and Study
The autistic boy I work with was coming down the hall to get math help and it sounded like he was running. When he got into the classroom, I asked him if he was running and he said "No, I was speedwalking." The substitute teacher almost choked on her drink.
During the last class of the day, I was trying to tell the same autistic boy that he needed to read silently and another boy speaks up saying "You're just a recess aid, we don't have to listen to you." I told him, first of all, I'm not a recess aid, second I have the authority to send you to the principals office just as much as your teacher does, and third, you need to respect the authority of a recess aid just as much as your teacher.
When I got back to my classroom, I told a fellow teachers aid what happened and she was livid. She marched to the classroom, told me to point out the kid, called the teacher over, had me tell the teacher what happened. Then the teacher ripped into the kid about respecting adults and made him apologize.
I have mixed emotions. I feel grateful for the defence of the other teachers and teachers aids, but I also feel like I proved the kids point by "tattling" on him to his teacher.
I've also been studying the book of Phillippians and I have been noticing that Paul encourages the Philippians to rejoice several times. In Chapter two he even urges them to rejoice. It must be important that they rejoice. The question I've been asking is 'Why?', but now I'm even asking again what it means to rejoice.
During the last class of the day, I was trying to tell the same autistic boy that he needed to read silently and another boy speaks up saying "You're just a recess aid, we don't have to listen to you." I told him, first of all, I'm not a recess aid, second I have the authority to send you to the principals office just as much as your teacher does, and third, you need to respect the authority of a recess aid just as much as your teacher.
When I got back to my classroom, I told a fellow teachers aid what happened and she was livid. She marched to the classroom, told me to point out the kid, called the teacher over, had me tell the teacher what happened. Then the teacher ripped into the kid about respecting adults and made him apologize.
I have mixed emotions. I feel grateful for the defence of the other teachers and teachers aids, but I also feel like I proved the kids point by "tattling" on him to his teacher.
I've also been studying the book of Phillippians and I have been noticing that Paul encourages the Philippians to rejoice several times. In Chapter two he even urges them to rejoice. It must be important that they rejoice. The question I've been asking is 'Why?', but now I'm even asking again what it means to rejoice.
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