It's been an interesting experience, being on the road in the Northwest for the past four months.  My tour ended in November, just before Thanksgiving so I've spent the past few weeks at the home base working on the Local/Northern California tour. I've had the opportunity to work with a few new people, and it's been a lot of fun, but also very challenging. My most recent partner and I have a very different worldview and I find myself holding back from speaking often in order to prevent arguments, especially when it comes to issues of money, hardships, and mercy. I am so ready to go home for break.

As I have been working with different people, I've noticed one thing that they have in common. The idea of sharing what you have and do seems foreign to them.  I never ask for anything from them, I just offer what I have and expect nothing back. Or sometimes I will simply do things for them, like washing their dishes when I wash mine. I explained once that it was for the sake of the Kingdom of God that I consider nothing to be my own.  But I've made people upset. I don't understand why.

Anyway, on Saturday I am flying to South Dakota to finish the week with my partner for next semester. Then home on the 24th.  I am very ready to be home. I miss home.  The closer it gets the more empty being here feels.

Although I know that working for Camfel is ministry. It is ministry to my partner(s), to the schools, to the students, to the hotels, restaurants, stores, people I meet in everyday life...it is living ministry, and I love that... but right now, I really miss being at home. I miss Project Valpo's and Youth Ministry, and children ministry, and Bridge Builders, and Sunday morning worship, and I miss it so incredibly much that being here right now feels empty. I think what I miss is being involved in church more than once a week and more than just for hearing a message.

I feel like that is what church has been these past few months... all about hearing a message and going on my way. I don't like it. I would compare it to visiting a prostitute, it's a meaningless fling that makes me feel good for a while, but in the end doesn't really do anything for me.  I want something more intimate. Church isn't about hearing a message. It's not a quicky. Church is a family of believers who care about eachother and are involved in the different growth processes of people in the church and throughout the community... and so much more. I miss that.