The Job I Want....

The job I want...

The job I want is fun.

The job I want pays well. Really well.

The job I want is filled with purpose.

The job I want is flexible. I want to choose my own schedule and have the freedom to change it on a whim if I so desire (and/or be able to take my work with me and do it where ever).

The job I want uses all of my talents and skills and passions and hobbies.

The job I want encourages me to grow.

The job I want doesn't require me to adhere to some bizarre dress code (or any dress code).

The job I want doesn't seem to exist.

So what shall I do while I dream about this job that doesn't seem to exist. I had my interview with the Boys and Girls Club last Wednesday, and I am waiting for them to get my background check and to finish calling my references.  I think they liked me in the interview. I will hopefully find out if they are going to hire me by Wednesday.

I have been looking online at different opportunities and job openings and thinking about what Iwant to do as well as what I can do with my limited education (4 years of college and no degree... I'm trying really hard to get back to college and finish up my last 20 some credit hours.)

I'm really discouraged and I hate it when I feel like that. I wish I could describe the discouragement.

This discouragement is like....

...standing in an eternal limbo... a waiting that never ends.

...hope is gone, only the question of why we keep this up remains.

... feeling like the path to success is being blocked...like there is an obstacle at every corner that further delays whatever it is that I am seeking.

... anxiety.

...inescapable.

...despair.

...a confusion... whats the point? What's it all worth in the end?

... a desire to make it all just end... like hoping the problem will go away is futile, you just want your existense to end.

All this over not being able to find a job and being dissatisfied with what is available. Can we say drama queen?   I'm just glad that this feeling is short and fleeting.

This life will never be what we expect or hope it to be. Are we setting our standards too high?

Or do we long for something greater because we were made for something greater! And our desires reflect that.

I think about why this hopeless despair sets in, and I think that though we are made for something greater, there is a deep and troubling reason for it.

Not everyone has the same opportunites in life.  I worked with a girl who believes adamantly that everyone does have the same opportunities and those who don't succeed in life are lazy underachievers who want everything to be handed to them. 

An interesting thought for someone who DID have everything handed to her growing up.

It's hard for me to think about this.... It's hard trying to succeed in life. It's hard trying to get back to college and earn my degree.  I'm still pushing toward it, but the fact is that it's hard. 

I'm fine with hard work. Anything worth doing is not going to be easy.  But there comes a point when you are constantly swimming against the current that you just become physically and mentally weak and tired.

Swimming against the current is a pretty good analogy.  Everyone is fighing against the flow of a mighty river to achieve some goal.  Everyone moves at a different pace and it will be easier for some and harder for others. 

Some people are naturally born with a powerful engine operated boat that moves them with ease and they reach their goals fairly easy and with little standing in their way.

Others have smaller boats, some with motors, some requiring manpower.
Others still have nothing more than a rowboat or a raft.
And others still are simply swimming, they are moving upstream through their own power with nothing to aid or protect them from the dangers of the river.

Who do you think is going to find their goals first and easiest?  Who do you think is going to struggle more?

Who do you think is in danger of giving up or becoming too tired to keep going?

The swimmer.

The swimmer has everything against them. The current of the river, rocks, debris, storms, the coldness of the water, fatigue from their own manpower being used, inability to replenish strength because there is no where to carry anything for any form of renewal.

One can be a strong swimmer... the strongest even.  But the current is strong and it is pushing against the swimmer.  Rocks and debris in the water, like speedbumps, trip up the swimmers, potentially cause harm, sometimes prevent the swimmer from being able to take the necessary paths. etc, etc. etc.

Obviously this is not about swimming and its easy to keep going with the analogy. 

I guess the idea is that I feel like a swimmer.  No amount of trying is going to put an end to the obstacles that I am facing. Its like society is directly opposed to success if you weren't born into a family that can wave a dollar and remove all obstacles.

It's probably a good thing that I am stubborn.

No more ramblings for tonight. I'm still discouraged.