Life is just like this eternal struggle into nothingness. Or at least sometimes that is how it seems.
Yesterday evening was terrible for me. The details don't really matter. Today was rather low key , but it's more like there is a spirit of depression sitting over me. I don't feel well. I'm fine physically, I am just not doing well emotionally. The funny thing is that when a person is feeling bad for so long, the desire to feel better seems to go away. I feel almost resigned to say this is my life and embrace it. Why feel better when nothing ever changes? We know that the logic is really screwy, but we dont feel it.
I resent Labor Day right now. I could have gone to work and earned a few more hours for my paycheck, but the real reason I resent it is because people are taking the Labor Day weekend and going to visit people. As a result hardly anyone was around to have group, so we didn't. I know it's not about me but I felt like I really needed to go to group tonight. I'm not really close with anyone in the group, it's just kind of like it's a place to fit. It's something outside of my house, with people other than those I live with, whose hearts beat for a similar passion.
I just didn't want to be alone. At my house, I am alone all the time, even though people are always here. Its lonely here.
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