This week has been quite a mix of things for me.. I don't really know how to expand on that. I've finished my first week of training at my new job. Right now we are doing classroom training, and that whole process will last about 4 weeks total. The classes are a string of information overload and somewhat overwhelming because of that, but I do think the process is good because it is setting the foundation for the 'on the job' training that we will be starting in 3 weeks time.Who doesn't want to be prepared for that?
Mixed in with this training is my personal goal to becoming a God honoring eater.... for lack of a better term, I guess. More descriptively, I want to teach myself to run to God when my head tells me I'm hungry, and when my stomach tells me I'm hungry, go ahead and eat all that my body is calling for and nothing more, in order to take my focus off of food and put it on God where it belongs. This is the whole premise of the weighdown workshop (founded by Gwen Shamblin).
I'm running into some difficulty, my desire and my will have been battling, and my desire has won out over my will too many times, usually when I get home from work and my stomach is growling and I make myself a snack and end up eating way more than I need....
It brings me back to that verse in Romans "I do not understand my own actions. For I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate." (chapter 7 verse 15)
I've been kicking myself a bit over this.
But one thing that I'm reminded of... (Actually, I've had this verse just pop into my head several times this week) whether I'm feeling overloaded with information from training, or kicking myself for overindulgence, is of that verse in Hebrews 12:11 "No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it."
So naturally, my mind had dwelled on this verse, I've thought it over, mulled it around in my head, thought about its application, actually looked up a commentary on it... and since I have it memorized (Thank you Bible Quizzing!) I seem to go throughout my day meditating on it.
A few things caught my attention. First, I thought about the parts of the verse that seem to indicate time. When I'm sick or in pain for any length of time, I actually console myself and get through it by reminding myself that it won't last forever. I literally tell myself that I won't remember this pain in 6 months. It's crazy how well that works. But perhaps that the reason this first part stuck out to me is because I realized that it will be the same way with my "discipline".
I will not suffer forerver. Classroom training will end (probably before I'm ready for it) and someday I will no longer struggle with the desire to overeat.
Then I thought about how this is discipline. Discipline does not necessarily mean punishment, although it may certainly include punishment. Another word that could very well fit in place of discipline is training. So in essense, the difficulty that I'm having, the challenge of the things I'm working toward are certainly great, but they are not difficult because I'm being punished. They are difficult because I have not trained myself in them yet. God is not punishing me.
And lastly, I found myself considering the last part of the verse. The part that says "for those who have been trained by it". I've mulled this over in my head for a while, and I've looked up different translations and they all seem to indicate the same thing to me. I have a choice as to how this discipline effects me, but I think that lends itself mostly to the attitude I take toward the discipline. It seems to imply that there are people who are trained by discipline and some who aren't. So essentially, I can choose to believe God is just trying to punish me, or I can choose to believe that God is trying to better me and let the discpline train me (and produce a harvest of righteousness and peace in me).
And so I shall return to my coping mechanism and remind myself that my training will not last forever. :-)
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