This week has been quite a mix of things for me.. I don't really know how to expand on that. I've finished my first week of training at my new job. Right now we are doing classroom training, and that whole process will last about 4 weeks total. The classes are a string of information overload and somewhat overwhelming because of that, but I do think the process is good because it is setting the foundation for the 'on the job' training that we will be starting in 3 weeks time.Who doesn't want to be prepared for that?
Mixed in with this training is my personal goal to becoming a God honoring eater.... for lack of a better term, I guess. More descriptively, I want to teach myself to run to God when my head tells me I'm hungry, and when my stomach tells me I'm hungry, go ahead and eat all that my body is calling for and nothing more, in order to take my focus off of food and put it on God where it belongs. This is the whole premise of the weighdown workshop (founded by Gwen Shamblin).
I'm running into some difficulty, my desire and my will have been battling, and my desire has won out over my will too many times, usually when I get home from work and my stomach is growling and I make myself a snack and end up eating way more than I need....
It brings me back to that verse in Romans "I do not understand my own actions. For I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate." (chapter 7 verse 15)
I've been kicking myself a bit over this.
But one thing that I'm reminded of... (Actually, I've had this verse just pop into my head several times this week) whether I'm feeling overloaded with information from training, or kicking myself for overindulgence, is of that verse in Hebrews 12:11 "No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it."
So naturally, my mind had dwelled on this verse, I've thought it over, mulled it around in my head, thought about its application, actually looked up a commentary on it... and since I have it memorized (Thank you Bible Quizzing!) I seem to go throughout my day meditating on it.
A few things caught my attention. First, I thought about the parts of the verse that seem to indicate time. When I'm sick or in pain for any length of time, I actually console myself and get through it by reminding myself that it won't last forever. I literally tell myself that I won't remember this pain in 6 months. It's crazy how well that works. But perhaps that the reason this first part stuck out to me is because I realized that it will be the same way with my "discipline".
I will not suffer forerver. Classroom training will end (probably before I'm ready for it) and someday I will no longer struggle with the desire to overeat.
Then I thought about how this is discipline. Discipline does not necessarily mean punishment, although it may certainly include punishment. Another word that could very well fit in place of discipline is training. So in essense, the difficulty that I'm having, the challenge of the things I'm working toward are certainly great, but they are not difficult because I'm being punished. They are difficult because I have not trained myself in them yet. God is not punishing me.
And lastly, I found myself considering the last part of the verse. The part that says "for those who have been trained by it". I've mulled this over in my head for a while, and I've looked up different translations and they all seem to indicate the same thing to me. I have a choice as to how this discipline effects me, but I think that lends itself mostly to the attitude I take toward the discipline. It seems to imply that there are people who are trained by discipline and some who aren't. So essentially, I can choose to believe God is just trying to punish me, or I can choose to believe that God is trying to better me and let the discpline train me (and produce a harvest of righteousness and peace in me).
And so I shall return to my coping mechanism and remind myself that my training will not last forever. :-)
Sunday, January 13, 2013
Wednesday, January 9, 2013
Update, Job, Church, etc.
Well, I was planning to be in bed by ten, but I actually just got home from church a few minutes ago, and I still want to make my lunch and lay out clothes for tomorrow. I have to be up at 5:30 because I need to be to work at 7am. And that was because I was hired at a new job. Yay. That was the thing I was talking about in my last post that I didn't want to say until I knew more. So yes, that did come to pass.
On another note, I'm going through training, and I don't want to even say where I'm working now because of what they've been talking to us about with being in a public office. It's weird to say that, I work for the state, but to call my position a public office is strange and foreign to me. I don't suspect I will talk much about my new job, just for the fact that I don't want to breach privacy, and I don't want anyone to think that anything I'm saying is on behalf of my employment because im definitely NOT. I represent myself and all opinion unless otherwise referenced are my own and not representative of anyone or anything else.
I'm glad we have that covered.
I decided to skip on any new years posts. I originally wanted to write something up, because every year I go over the past year month by month, but I realized that I could hardly remember anything significant or even remotely important to me happening last year. I'm sure there were things that did, but my memory of this past year is almost non-existant.
So then I thought about making a resolution or two, but I decided against that. I thought to myself... "Why? Why January 1? Why not December 14? Why Not April 6?" I mean, if we are going to improve ourselves why wait for a specific date? Why don't we just start where we are now? And instead of setting ourselves up for failure by trying to do 6 things all in January at one time, and then fizzling out and feeling like failures for the rest of the year, why not pace ourselves and work on change one thing at a time? Isn't that better than overburdening ourselves?
So this year, I have not made any resolutions, and I'm quite okay with that. Oh, believe me, I understand the depths of my imperfection are deep, but I also know that I serve an incredible and merciful God. And this God, though He helps me in my weakness, also knows that I can be a stubborn fool who feels overwhelmed when more is asked of me than I think I can handle. :-) And then his mercy is renewed.
I can tell you my dreams for this year. But, when I really think about that, my dreams are so much bigger than this year. Actually... they pretty much encompass the rest of my life, but I'm working toward them this year, just as I was thinking about them and planning for them last year, and just like I will continue in them next year. I think, though, that I will have to dedicate a whole post on it's own to expressing the dreams I've been given for my life. They are, in a word.... Lofty. At least, they are to me.
So anyway, now we come to the whole point of this post. LOL. I was at church tonight for the Wednesday evening service. This is not my home church, LifeBridge, but just one that I really enjoy going to on Wednesday nights. The pastor had a lot to say. Well, perhaps God had a lot to say... :-) The service was, in the simplest terms, powerful. It often is, though.
I cant express how many times I have been inspired, encouraged, cut to the heart, challenged, and just felt like God was speaking directly to my heart. I am amazed at the things happening at Victory Christian Center.
But anyway, tonight one of the things he spoke about was "the fire" in your heart and he said something along the lines of "a lack of prayer in your life could indicate a weak spiritual life." I was just immediately struck with the truth of that statement. The times in my life when I have been weakest spiritually were the times when I wasn't praying. He gave us Scipture from Romans 12:11,12 (and some other verses that I don't remember because I didn't write them down). And he talked a bit about prayer from there and how it is like fuel to a fire. He gave an excerpt from Pilgrims Progress where Christian comes to a man that keeps throwing water on another man, and then a man behind a wall secretly pouring oil onto the man getting soaked with the water (as well as the explanation behind it.) I need to reread that book. I read enough of it for my British Lit class, but I don't remember much of it.
During service I kept noticing that a man and a woman (whom I met before and know to be husband and wife probably closer to my parents age than to mine) had looked in my direction several times. So I decided to go say hi to them after it ended. When I went over there, the woman said her husband said that there was something about me that stands out, and that they needed to know more about me. I thought, oh, that's weird....
Isn't it crazy how our minds seem to imediately interpret this as being a negative thing? I don't know why I stood out to them. I don't know if its a good thing, a bad thing, or just nothing. They did say that they were praying for me. So I guess I'll take it at face value, but it still leaves me with the question in my mind, why did I stand out? What does that mean.
I guess thats all.
On another note, I'm going through training, and I don't want to even say where I'm working now because of what they've been talking to us about with being in a public office. It's weird to say that, I work for the state, but to call my position a public office is strange and foreign to me. I don't suspect I will talk much about my new job, just for the fact that I don't want to breach privacy, and I don't want anyone to think that anything I'm saying is on behalf of my employment because im definitely NOT. I represent myself and all opinion unless otherwise referenced are my own and not representative of anyone or anything else.
I'm glad we have that covered.
I decided to skip on any new years posts. I originally wanted to write something up, because every year I go over the past year month by month, but I realized that I could hardly remember anything significant or even remotely important to me happening last year. I'm sure there were things that did, but my memory of this past year is almost non-existant.
So then I thought about making a resolution or two, but I decided against that. I thought to myself... "Why? Why January 1? Why not December 14? Why Not April 6?" I mean, if we are going to improve ourselves why wait for a specific date? Why don't we just start where we are now? And instead of setting ourselves up for failure by trying to do 6 things all in January at one time, and then fizzling out and feeling like failures for the rest of the year, why not pace ourselves and work on change one thing at a time? Isn't that better than overburdening ourselves?
So this year, I have not made any resolutions, and I'm quite okay with that. Oh, believe me, I understand the depths of my imperfection are deep, but I also know that I serve an incredible and merciful God. And this God, though He helps me in my weakness, also knows that I can be a stubborn fool who feels overwhelmed when more is asked of me than I think I can handle. :-) And then his mercy is renewed.
I can tell you my dreams for this year. But, when I really think about that, my dreams are so much bigger than this year. Actually... they pretty much encompass the rest of my life, but I'm working toward them this year, just as I was thinking about them and planning for them last year, and just like I will continue in them next year. I think, though, that I will have to dedicate a whole post on it's own to expressing the dreams I've been given for my life. They are, in a word.... Lofty. At least, they are to me.
So anyway, now we come to the whole point of this post. LOL. I was at church tonight for the Wednesday evening service. This is not my home church, LifeBridge, but just one that I really enjoy going to on Wednesday nights. The pastor had a lot to say. Well, perhaps God had a lot to say... :-) The service was, in the simplest terms, powerful. It often is, though.
I cant express how many times I have been inspired, encouraged, cut to the heart, challenged, and just felt like God was speaking directly to my heart. I am amazed at the things happening at Victory Christian Center.
But anyway, tonight one of the things he spoke about was "the fire" in your heart and he said something along the lines of "a lack of prayer in your life could indicate a weak spiritual life." I was just immediately struck with the truth of that statement. The times in my life when I have been weakest spiritually were the times when I wasn't praying. He gave us Scipture from Romans 12:11,12 (and some other verses that I don't remember because I didn't write them down). And he talked a bit about prayer from there and how it is like fuel to a fire. He gave an excerpt from Pilgrims Progress where Christian comes to a man that keeps throwing water on another man, and then a man behind a wall secretly pouring oil onto the man getting soaked with the water (as well as the explanation behind it.) I need to reread that book. I read enough of it for my British Lit class, but I don't remember much of it.
During service I kept noticing that a man and a woman (whom I met before and know to be husband and wife probably closer to my parents age than to mine) had looked in my direction several times. So I decided to go say hi to them after it ended. When I went over there, the woman said her husband said that there was something about me that stands out, and that they needed to know more about me. I thought, oh, that's weird....
Isn't it crazy how our minds seem to imediately interpret this as being a negative thing? I don't know why I stood out to them. I don't know if its a good thing, a bad thing, or just nothing. They did say that they were praying for me. So I guess I'll take it at face value, but it still leaves me with the question in my mind, why did I stand out? What does that mean.
I guess thats all.
Tuesday, December 4, 2012
New opportunities and cell phones
Ah, the post that comes after an eternity (or two months) of not writing anything. My silence is hardly noteworthy, but today I actually have something to say.
Once again I am in a stage of transition. I don't recall my feelings toward transition the last time I was in it, but I am actually kind of looking forward to some of the changes that might be taking place.
Some of the changes I don't want to go into detail about because a blog is a very public forum and plans have not been confirmed yet, and I don't want news getting back to people before it's actually news. I know I can set the blog to private, but I want it to stay public right now.
So the closer it gets to January 19, the more excited I become.... reason being that my car will be paid off then and it will become officially my car. No more lease, no more bi-weekly car payments, my car insurance bill can be reduced. It's just an overall good feeling. It's also a good feeling to know that I will have done something good for myself. Let's just hope it doesn't break down right after I finish paying it off. :-)
I'm thrilled about the prospect of having the extra money around just for that. Ofcourse, much of it will be eaten up by paying off my student loans,(I can't keep it on deferment/forbearance forever!) It would be nice to have a degree to show for the student loans I'm paying for... but perhaps my new opportunity that I don't want to share yet could open the doors to finishing my degree.
I still want to finish my degree in Youth Ministry, but I kind of want to add another major or minor... in sociology. I loved my sociology class in college, and I've always thought it would be complementary to a degree in youth ministry, but the more I read up on it, the more I've been seeing that a sociology degree is actually a good degree to have for almost any job you can get.
In other news, though probably not as exciting or interesting, I kind of feel like I scored a gold mine with a deal I just got with T-mobile. I'm adding a line to my account to get the family shared plan and putting my parents on the new line to help both of us reduce what we are spending on our phone plans. I thought I found a good deal online, but I would need to order a phone for them too, so I was looking at the cheapest options I could while still getting them the type of phone they wanted, and I finally settled on a phone that required a down payment, but you could make monthly installments on it. Not what I really wanted to do because adding the phone with monthly installments would be counterproductive to reducing cost.
But then I found one that was a $35 down payment, with a $7.25 monthly installment and I thought, hey, that might work. So I got ready to check out and everything, but decided not to and to go to a tmobile store instead and see if they could help me to find a better deal. Well, I got there, and the guy was very helpful and very friendly for as much as he could do, but altogether, going to the store was not much help at all. The guy was not qualified to set up services. Again, this is not a jab at the guy, because he was very friendly and helped the best he could, but I didn't understand why they had him working at a T-mobile store if he wasn't qualified to help set up service for people. So anyway, he referred me to call t-mobile's support and talk to someone there because they would be able to help me get set up with everything I need.
So after Dad and I got home I called T-mobile support and spoke with a representative with an accent that was difficult to understand, and I'm not sure she understood too much English herself. As I spoke with her I became increasingly frustrated because I felt like she wasn't hearing/understanding/listening to/caring about what I was actually saying. Like, I told her I was interested in upgrading my phone to the Galaxy 3 and I had considered the installment plan, but I couldn't afford the $99 down payment at this time and wanted to know if there were other options. She took that as I couldn't afford a down payment at all. I told her I can afford some down payment but not $99, and she just couldn't seem to grasp that concept.
I asked about options for free phones for starting new lines, she told me T-mobile doesn't do free phones because I'm on a value plan. So I asked about switching back to the classic plan, she said it's not possible because the classic plan would be more expensive than the value plan. I said okay, well, do I qualify for my free upgrade yet (because if i do, i would give my parents my old phone) She told me T-mobile doesn't do free upgrades. Long story shortened, I finally gave up talking to her, told her she wasn't helping me and hung up.
So I went on line to find the deal I had originally found and was just going to purchase a phone for my parents, but at the last minute I decided to call the support line on the website to make sure that the new balance they were giving me for the family plan was actually what total new monthly payments would be (before tax), and not just an added addition to the $65 I already pay each month.
So while I was talking with her and explaining my thoughts, she started telling me about specials that t-mobile had going on and again, long story shortened, I now have on order a free phone for my parents, comparable to the Galaxy S i currently have, for starting a new plan with a waived activation fee and $79 monthly payments for the family plan that includes 1000 shared anytime minutes, unlimited nights, weekends, and tmobile to tmobile minutes, unlimited texting, and unlimited plus data plan. The first woman told me that wasn't possible.
Once again I am in a stage of transition. I don't recall my feelings toward transition the last time I was in it, but I am actually kind of looking forward to some of the changes that might be taking place.
Some of the changes I don't want to go into detail about because a blog is a very public forum and plans have not been confirmed yet, and I don't want news getting back to people before it's actually news. I know I can set the blog to private, but I want it to stay public right now.
So the closer it gets to January 19, the more excited I become.... reason being that my car will be paid off then and it will become officially my car. No more lease, no more bi-weekly car payments, my car insurance bill can be reduced. It's just an overall good feeling. It's also a good feeling to know that I will have done something good for myself. Let's just hope it doesn't break down right after I finish paying it off. :-)
I'm thrilled about the prospect of having the extra money around just for that. Ofcourse, much of it will be eaten up by paying off my student loans,(I can't keep it on deferment/forbearance forever!) It would be nice to have a degree to show for the student loans I'm paying for... but perhaps my new opportunity that I don't want to share yet could open the doors to finishing my degree.
I still want to finish my degree in Youth Ministry, but I kind of want to add another major or minor... in sociology. I loved my sociology class in college, and I've always thought it would be complementary to a degree in youth ministry, but the more I read up on it, the more I've been seeing that a sociology degree is actually a good degree to have for almost any job you can get.
In other news, though probably not as exciting or interesting, I kind of feel like I scored a gold mine with a deal I just got with T-mobile. I'm adding a line to my account to get the family shared plan and putting my parents on the new line to help both of us reduce what we are spending on our phone plans. I thought I found a good deal online, but I would need to order a phone for them too, so I was looking at the cheapest options I could while still getting them the type of phone they wanted, and I finally settled on a phone that required a down payment, but you could make monthly installments on it. Not what I really wanted to do because adding the phone with monthly installments would be counterproductive to reducing cost.
But then I found one that was a $35 down payment, with a $7.25 monthly installment and I thought, hey, that might work. So I got ready to check out and everything, but decided not to and to go to a tmobile store instead and see if they could help me to find a better deal. Well, I got there, and the guy was very helpful and very friendly for as much as he could do, but altogether, going to the store was not much help at all. The guy was not qualified to set up services. Again, this is not a jab at the guy, because he was very friendly and helped the best he could, but I didn't understand why they had him working at a T-mobile store if he wasn't qualified to help set up service for people. So anyway, he referred me to call t-mobile's support and talk to someone there because they would be able to help me get set up with everything I need.
So after Dad and I got home I called T-mobile support and spoke with a representative with an accent that was difficult to understand, and I'm not sure she understood too much English herself. As I spoke with her I became increasingly frustrated because I felt like she wasn't hearing/understanding/listening to/caring about what I was actually saying. Like, I told her I was interested in upgrading my phone to the Galaxy 3 and I had considered the installment plan, but I couldn't afford the $99 down payment at this time and wanted to know if there were other options. She took that as I couldn't afford a down payment at all. I told her I can afford some down payment but not $99, and she just couldn't seem to grasp that concept.
I asked about options for free phones for starting new lines, she told me T-mobile doesn't do free phones because I'm on a value plan. So I asked about switching back to the classic plan, she said it's not possible because the classic plan would be more expensive than the value plan. I said okay, well, do I qualify for my free upgrade yet (because if i do, i would give my parents my old phone) She told me T-mobile doesn't do free upgrades. Long story shortened, I finally gave up talking to her, told her she wasn't helping me and hung up.
So I went on line to find the deal I had originally found and was just going to purchase a phone for my parents, but at the last minute I decided to call the support line on the website to make sure that the new balance they were giving me for the family plan was actually what total new monthly payments would be (before tax), and not just an added addition to the $65 I already pay each month.
So while I was talking with her and explaining my thoughts, she started telling me about specials that t-mobile had going on and again, long story shortened, I now have on order a free phone for my parents, comparable to the Galaxy S i currently have, for starting a new plan with a waived activation fee and $79 monthly payments for the family plan that includes 1000 shared anytime minutes, unlimited nights, weekends, and tmobile to tmobile minutes, unlimited texting, and unlimited plus data plan. The first woman told me that wasn't possible.
Sunday, October 21, 2012
Elections.. pfft.
I'm alive. I don't think anyone keeps track of me on my blog, but yes, after a few months haitus... I'm alive. I wanted to write for a while, but I kind of got sick of what I always had to write about. But I guess the news is that I am happy. I am. It's been a while since I've been able to say that I'm happy beyond some specific event. Now, I feel like joy just abides in me. I have some ideas/plans for change... nothing I'm going to go into detail about right now, mostly because it would be a long post and I'm too tired to spend the time trying to flesh it out in my mind. But change is coming soon, change beyond what has already changed.
As for the election. I have no idea who to vote for. Should I vote? I think a part of me doesn't think it matters. I know that God is the one who allows leaders to rise and fall, and no one would have power if it were not givent to them from above. Ive been told that that is a misinterpretation of the verses that seem to imply this, but I don't know. Is God's faithfulness strengthened or undermined by my vote or lack thereof?
As for the election. I have no idea who to vote for. Should I vote? I think a part of me doesn't think it matters. I know that God is the one who allows leaders to rise and fall, and no one would have power if it were not givent to them from above. Ive been told that that is a misinterpretation of the verses that seem to imply this, but I don't know. Is God's faithfulness strengthened or undermined by my vote or lack thereof?
Tuesday, July 31, 2012
In my room, peeing on my bed is a capital offense, but these cats are lucky I don't believe in capital punishment and that all they are getting is their nose rubbed in it, then locked in my bathroom for the night. Cat pee on my bed makes me feel extremely violated and it will not be tolerated. I am extremely close to throwing the cats outside or dropping them off in the middle of no where and I wouldn't care if they lived or died. Peeing on my bed is THAT serious of an offense. And yes, I would do it too. I am not as nice of a person as some of you might believe I am.
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