Another Obstacle

Well, I will admit I'm feeling a bit depressed again.  I have been trying to get ahold of my those who are holding my student loans so I can get yet another deferrment on them when I finally get ahold of one after dealing with being referred/transferred to people/phone numbers several different times, and going rounds with an automated service that wasn't answering my questions (but what it was saying was starting to really scare me)...

So when I finally spoke with soeone to find out what was going on, I learned that I have three different lenders and only one of them was covered under my deferment.

So apparently I have been in default with two of my loan providers and the one I was talking to today (Which was not, the perkins loan like I was hoping to contact someone about) is now in collections.

I feel extremely cheated with my student loans right now.  I owe almost $30,000 for what?  Certainly not a degree, I can tell you that much.  My hope of finishing that degree keeps looking slimmer and slimmer. The impossibility is that I can't get financial aid since two of my loans are in default. All my classes have to be paid up front. When the school charges $550 per credit hour that gets a bit tricky.

I'm very seriously considering trying to get my last PE Credit and just graduating liberal arts rather than trying to finish the degree in Youth Ministry and Adolescent Studies.

Im trying very hard not to feel angry, depressed, helpless and such but I don't know what to do. I want to be responsible, but everytime I make an effort to act responsibly (over things I didn't even know were an issue, remember) it seems like another little monster tries to rear his ugly head.

I have seriously considered bankruptcy (not for the student loans, but other things) and I can't bring myself to do it yet. I want to repay what I owe.

But what do I do to put myself in a place where I am financially able to make the payments?

I'm still trying to figure that out. I'm currently seeking another part time job that I don't really want just so I am doing something and making some sort of effort to better myself.

I'm still waiting on and trusting God. Instead of trying to get rid of my obligations when things get incredibly hard Im trying to be faithful. God please consider my insignificant  efforts to be faithful and show me some mercy.