Saturday, February 27, 2010

to be a woman... That is the curse

Isn't it amazing the mood swings that women can go through?

Yesterday I was feeling so inspired and ready to change the world, to bring a message of hope... but today I can't even find it for myself. 

Why do I have days like that?

I am an emotional creature. I am looking forward to a future that seems so far away. I must try not to be discouraged at the wait.

Friday, February 26, 2010

I've been reading the Freedom Writers Diary for the past few days and every time I pick it up, I find myself drawn into the lives of the students who wrote the diary. I don't know who they are, but my heart connects to theirs. I could relate to a few of them on minor levels, but mostly I know that they have suffered in ways that I can't even have nightmares of.

My heart connects to theirs because I want the same thing that they, as freedom writers, were striving for, social and racial justice.  

I am inspired by these students and by their teacher. It really forces me to think about what I can be doing to make a difference.

Maybe that is actually why I love Camfel's video Balance of Power so much. I feel like Balance of Power Speaks to many of the situations that the students had faced. Obviously it's not even close to touching on all of it, but it's something, and I think it's something powerful.

But I do wonder how many of the students who would see the video and have had experiences like the Freedom Writers did... how many of them would write the video off, or simply not even pay attention. 

Can a video alone make an impact?

I hope that schools and teachers are following up the video with the resourses that Camfel offers. 

The Freedom Writers found themselves inspired and ready to change because someone dared to get dirty with them.  Ministry is relational.  I told a friend that I was struggling because I want to get in the dirt with children and teens rather than press a play button and give an inspiring conclusion.

Today Katey and I were playing the Ninja game and some of the students from the middle school we were at joined us (and beat us... they were good).  It was so cool, just to play a game with them...because it felt more personal and more relational and more like ministry to play that game than it did to talk with them and ask them what their favorite school subject was while setting up or tearing down.

I think so much that I want to change the world. I really do want to start a revolution. That's not just the title of my blog.  I want to inpsire change. To be a revolutionary...

I feel so alive to think about it.
 I feel like this is what I was made for! 

Maybe it was.

Thursday, February 18, 2010

Half way through?

Wow, I haven't updated this thing in a while. I've thought about it several times, but when it came down to actually doing it, I guess I just wasn't really motivated.

Not much of any particular interest has really happened.

My cousin Christopher was bailed out of Jail recently, and I guess he is staying with my family.

My friend Christine's uncle died recently, plus there are other private matters going on in her life. I wish I could be of more help than feeling bad for her and feeling guilty that Im relieved that it's not me dealing with the issues.  I hope we do get to hang out soon.

I ran away from my issues. That was probably the best solution for me because it removed me from them, and now I can look at them from a new perspective. I have a... sort of... have a plan for when I have to deal with them again.

I have a confession to make.  The idea of being in a (romantic) relationship with someone scares me to no end. Perhaps I deliberately sabotoge myself.  Regardless, I feel content until God chooses to make any changes to my relationship status.

Speaking of relationships, I sent one of my guy friends a Valentine because he posted on his facebook that in Korea girls give Valentines to the boys, then he made a comment to the affect of "So ladies, I'm waiting" then other people told him not to expect anything, so I went out and bought him a card, candy, and a stuffed animal and sent it to him. So now he can say in your face to the people who said he'd never get anything. LOL.

We've had about 9 days off without any shows so far. Our next one is Friday. Tomorrow (Thursday to me) Katey and I plan to go roller skating with her friend Anna Marie.  Christine doesn't know if she will be able to see me or not even though she will be in the chicago area.

And by the way, my work partner, Katey, is one of a kind.  My life is richer for knowing her.