Thursday, April 21, 2011

To pledge Allegiance... or Not

Yes, This will be highly controversal.

Yesterday My grandma posted the pledge of allegiance status that has been going around on facebook. I commented on her status explaining why I wont repost it, and this is what I said:
Grandma, I would repost this if I believed in it. But I don't believe this anymore. I don't believe in the republic that the flag stands for. I definitely don't believe this nation stands under God. I don't believe we are indivisible, and... I certainly don't believe there is justice for all. I will not pledge allegiance to a country I don't believe in.

It's not that I'm worried about what others will think. It's that Im jaded about what this country has become and I cant repost something that I don't believe in.
I was attacked for this, of course (shame on you, you know who you are), I was told what I said was BS, and I care nothing for soldiers, and that 9-11 meant nothing to me, and that I'm not American, and it definitely held an undertone of self-righteous americanism... you know the kind of snide, sarcastic response where they are attacking you personally but trying to make it sound not so bad. Yeah, it was one of those.

So, because of that, I'm going to get it out in the open. No, I don't pledge allegiance to this country. This is not an attack on Soldiers. I support soldiers and have the highest respect for them. It's America that I take issue with.

Take a look at what is going on in this country and tell me that God is still a part of it. Or perhaps people are trying to get rid of God. That's why students are getting in trouble for even just having their Bibles at school. That's why preachers are being sued over what they preach about that's why a teacher in California got in trouble for having the pledge posted in his classroom because it said under God on it. That's why this pledge status is going around.... to confront people who are afraid of offending people because the words under God are in the pledge. Now look and tell me honestly, do you really believe this country wants God in it? I don't.

Then take a look at the government and tell me we are not divided. The government almost shut down this month because democrats and republicans couldn't come to an agreement. Yeah.... that doesn't sound very united to me. And let's not forget that the government DID shut down in 1995 and 1996, for a disagreement between political agenda's. Do I even need to mention other conflict and consequences of this nation being divided?

Then look at the injustice that happens every single day and tell me that there is justice for all. There is so much injustice that I am overwhelmed with the idea of even trying to pick a starting point! There may be a black man in office, but you go ask, not just black people, but any minority, if they feel like there is justice for all. Most of them are going to tell you no. Look at the evidence of it... Women and minority make less money. Minorities and low income people are still treated unfairly. By jobs, by police, by other americans... America is not quite the land of opportunity that everyone seems to believe it is. Maybe it was once, but it isn't now... not unless you have money, anyway. Oh, and for kickers to the person who made snide comments about me, let's take a look at what is happening to American Veterans. Why are so many of them homeless? Why are there soldiers who have not recieved the benefits promised to them or soldiers families who don't recieve the benefits when their loved ones are killed in war? Soldiers who have dedicated everything they have for America... is that Justice? Not to me.
'One nation under God, indivisible, with liberty and justice for all' does not apply to the America I live in. What is there to hope for? What is there to believe in? What is there to pledge allegiance to? A broken economy?

This world is not my home, I hold no loyalty to it.
You want to know what I do pledge allegiance to? I pledge allegiance to God who loves us. ALL OF US. I pledge allegiance to the Christ who died on the cross in my place where I deserve to be. I pledge allegiance to him who was raised to life again and preparing a place for those who love Him. I pledge allegiance to Jesus whose life I am going to be celebrating this weekend. That is where my hope of life comes from, and He is who I take pride in.

Tuesday, April 5, 2011

When the time is right...

So I did some self reflecting today and I realized something. Well, what happened was my cousin Brandy got stuck at home and needed a ride to work, so I came to her rescue. While driving her to work, she and I talked about different things, went to lunch at KFC, and then right before she went to work, we walked in front of an empty storefront and started making up a story about how we would rent the space and live there with our lives on display for the rest of the town to come and watch us live our lives like some sort of reality show and we would become rich and famous.
Then after I left she sent me a text message and our conversation went something like this:

Brandy: Come back and we'll just run away together
Me: Okay, I'm on my way
Brandy: LMAO hurry
Me: LOL, I wish
Brandy: ur really not coming?/
Me: No
Me: Sorry
Brandy: aww ur makin me sad
Me: Such is life
Brandy: i guess, when u dont love me no more
Me: Keep the dream alive, it will happen someday, the timing just isn't right now
Brandy: u should move to missouri with me
Me: when the time is right...

The conversation ended at that point and it kind of got me thinking.

First of all, I was happy that in the midst of everything going on in our lives, even if we are just dreaming of an escape, we are still dreaming and that is a good thing. I think it means that hope still exists in us. And I think it's when we lose hope that we really begin to lose something vital to our lives, so I am estactic that we still have hopes and dreams. The second thing I realized is that timing is so crucial and vital. I wonder, even if timing is everything (like the old saying goes). I've been trying to make a decision on what to do with having a second job now.  Do I live at home a little longer and pay off bills quickly or do I get an apartment of my own and be out of my families house now.   I've realized that either way, both are going to happen.  I'm going to pay off bills, and I'm going to move out someday.  It's just a matter of when... of when the timing is right.

I don't know when the time is right... I don't know what the right timing for anything is right now, but I gotta tell you, I feel more at peace with the decisions I have to make when I think about God's timing and how I want to follow His timing for my life.  I mean, this is more than just the moving out thing.  Between ideals of marriage, of finishing college, having children and starting a family, working a full time job that I enjoy and moving up in that same career... moving out of my parents house... All of these things and more are thing that I may want now or feel impatient about, but they will come.... All in time. All in God's time. I don't know how to explain it any further than that. I just feel better thinking about how the time has to be right.

Saturday, April 2, 2011

A better future

Last night I had a dream. It's been quite a while since I woke up, so the dream is no longer fresh in my mind, infact, it's starting to get really fuzzy, but it seemed so profound to me when I woke up.
It started as a dream within a dream...  I was dreaming about dreaming of a battle with the enemy (Satan). The battle seemed to me somewhat like a Harry Potter wand duel or something, and I was losing. When I awoke in the dream I ran to this room, and I recruited some people with the utmost urgency to help me battle the enemy. They came, but they were not immediately with me in battle, I think perhaps they were praying. But the battle scene was the same as it was in the dream within a dream, and when it began this time I came in with a fierceness, declaring boldly something to the effect of 'the Power of Christ is in me' and other statements, and even quoting scripture.  I was winning the battle.
I woke up before the dream could conclude, but I spent a long time thinking about it.

Last night I also had a glimse of a future that seemed much brighter than the present.  I don't always love living at home with my parents. In fact, my sanity is often screaming for change, but I really think if I can stick it out for a little longer, I know I can get a lot of bills paid off... but last night I realized that I am now in a position where I will not only be able to pay off my smaller bills that I wanted to start with, but I can also pay off the rest of what I owe to Bethel College and pay for the credit hours to take one or two classes either online, or during the day or an internship or Saturday Seminar or something. I would even be able to afford the gas money to go back and forth once or twice a week (depending on how high gas prices get after summer)

I don't know what I will do yet. but the furture does not seem hopeless and that makes me pretty happy. I'm going to have options now that weren't available to me before. I'm going to have to work extremely hard from now on, but I'm willing to work hard.

Friday, April 1, 2011

Dear emotions...

Dear Emotions,
Please stop screwing with me. He is a beautiful person with a beautiful soul, but I do not want to be developing a crush on him.  I have known him almost a year now and it really ticks me off that I could go so long and not have any feelings towards him and then suddenly I see him one day and I feel my heart flutter. There is really no reason for that. I was doing just fine not having a crush on anyone and I really want it to stay that way.  I hate the highs and lows and I hate the idea that the feelings I have will probably go unrequitted. Furthermore, there is a difference between a good man and a godly man, and I don't know where he stands in regard to God and I refuse to set myself up for failure anymore. This cannot happen again.