Thursday, December 30, 2010

Im the worlds greatest pretender

TrSo last night I spent hours pouring out my heart on my blogger application detailing even my hang ups about posting and I posted it, but I couldnt keep it there. I deleted it very early this morning.

Apparently I cant be as honest with people as I would like to be. Thats one of the many things I admire about my friend k. Bare naked honesty.

But I suppose privacy and discretion is not a bad thing, even k has expressed that.

So... Chicago tomorrow. Bourbon street, friends, drunken celebration. I'm not thrilled about it, but I want to hang out with my friends, so I go where they go.

Besides, im exploring my rebellious side, right?


I guess im supposed to make a few new years resolutions. Id really rather not. I'm still working on last years resolutions! (and the year before that, and before that etc. lame.... We'll see if do or not. That's all.
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Sunday, December 12, 2010

I am happy.

Today, I am happy. Yesterday, too. And I suspect tomorrow I will be as well.  I want to be happy.
On Thursday of the week before last, I checked online and found that the BGCA for Valpo had an opening in the art room, so I told my boss at a team meeting that I wanted to try to get the positon. She gave me her blessing and told me to contact HR. Immediately following the meeting was at the Christmas Party, so I decided to wait, even though the HR manager, Tracie was there.  I kind of figured, it's a party... I'll wait.

Well, after the party, I was supposed to sub in the kindergarten kidstop, and I went to work. While I was cleaning up from the kiddo's eating lunch, I was talking with the janitor, who was also cleaning up. I told her the position was posted and I felt like it was right up my alley. So, she encouraged me and actually went and got the Program Director, Tim, to talk to me about the position, and he came and told me to come by his office after Im done and he would show me how to use the voice mail system and leave Tracie a message.  But I went upstairs after cleaning to continue to work with the kindergarten and  I told the site director what happened and she told me to to go downstairs right then because Tracie was in her office and just talk to her now. So I did.

Tracie and I talked and she was working on a flyer or something for the positon to post and she would wait on sending it out, and she would contact the Unit Director Dan, and the Program director Tim, for me and let them know my interest in the position.

So I spoke with her again Tuesday and she told me they were looking for someone with an artistic background, so I asked if I should bring in my portfolio and she said yes. Later that Day I got a call from Dan asking me to come in Thursday at 1pm for my "interview" (since I'm already an employee of he BGC, it wasnt like a formal interview, but I treated it as one).

So I spent time preparing ideas, potential schedules, events, that I would like to see happen in the club art room. I prepared two letters of recomendations, one from Traci at Church, and the other from my normal site director, Kristen.   Then on Thursday I showered, relaxed, dressed up, and went in for the interview and did the best I could.

It was funny because in the beginning during the interview they asked all the questions that I felt like I was incriminating myself by answering them. Like one question was something like What is one thing you've done that you weren't proud of and wish you would have done better, what would you have done instead.  I would almost swear that at least 80 percent of the questions were questions like that. 

But I got past that portion and they wanted to look at my portfolio, so we did and they were really impressed with my work. Then they looked at the stuff I had prepared regarding my ideas and such, and when the "interview" was over Dan told me that I represented myself vey well, and he was proud that the boys and girls club has someone like me on staff, even though my main involvement is with kidstop.

So I left, went home, ate lunch then headed to work my subbing position at Parview. After I got there, I got a call from Tracie, the HR manager to let me know that Dan and Time would love to have me as a part of their team.  Then she said, to be fair she wanted to let me know about another art room position that opened up at the Portage Club in the Art Room that was 5 days a week, as opposed to 3 days at Valpo. She told me a little about the position (also said that Dan and Tim joked about not telling me about the other position), gave me some time to think about whether i wanted totalk with the site director in Portage  and told me either way congratulations. 

I could not believe that in the same day I interviewed for a position that I was not only wanted for that position, but that I might also possibly be able to get the other position.  I went home so unsure of what to do. But I prayed, did some research, talked to a few people. Then on Friday, I went in to the club to sub again for kindergarten and afterward I spoke with Tracie and she told that Dan and Tim were very impressed with me and she asked me what my thoughts were, whether I wanted to talk with the Portage director, or accept the position at Valpo. I told her what my thought processes were, and that I seemed to be feeling some sort of loyalty to the Valpo Club, and that I would accept the position I had just interviewed for.  She welcomed me to the team and then she announced to Dan and Tim that i had made my decision and they welcomed me to the team. I am ecstatic.

Before I left Dan told me that he would like me to come in before I start officially in January and get some work in to get a feel of the art room. 

I am also possibly subbing for Ron at the South Haven Club during those few weeks, so hopefully I will have lots of hours for my last paycheck in Dec.

I am pretty happy right now.

On a side note, I think I want a hair cut.

Friday, December 3, 2010

What is it?

So I've been noticing something that struck me as a little strange. I have always believed there was a spirit of depression over my house, but tonight I wonder if that its all that's there. I know I've been in a bad mood a lot lately, but I've also noticed that the only time I ever seem to really be in a bad mood is when I'm at home. I've been noticing it really strong in the past few weeks, and its been getting worse.I guess I've always attributed it to my situation right now. It does often bother me that I don't have a room or even my own bed anymore, and I am often irritated with money problems. But I noticed and it is truly weird to me that I seem to rarely experience these irritations out side of home, and if I do they are minor, hardly enough to bother with at all.

But what's more is that I often FEEL happy when I'm out, even when my situation is bad, and it doesn't look like I'm happy.

So... Then tonight I came home and I was happy, and in a good mood, and when I walked in the house, I went to the bathroom and there was almost an immediate change in my mood. I was taken aback by how irritated I felt (still feel).

Its this mere association of a bad circumstance, or is there some thing here?
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