Thursday, March 31, 2011

So irritated about this...

I'm getting tired of getting comments from people I work with who make me feel bad about getting a second job (well, third if you count kidstop and the club art room as two separate jobs). But Seriously. I never thought anyone could make me feel bad about having two(or three) jobs until this week. 
When Opportunity Enterprises called me to let me know they were going to hire me, I was happy.  Was I excited?  To be honest, no, not really. The thought of having a second(or third) job did not exactly thrill me, but I didn't dread it either.
 But if you say that you are not excited, or that you think this might be the least excited you've ever been, everyone seems to assume that automatically means you dread it to the core of your soul.  So of course, the person who hears this is a huge gossip and the next thing I know, I'm hearing that people are talking about it.  But not only are they talking about it, they are talking very judgementally about it. 

So this week as I've gone to work, how many comments did I recieve about getting another job?  Too many.
I mean seriously, whose business is it that I have another job, and why make comments like "What kind of bills do you have that you need another job?"   or "Why get another job if you don't think you'll like it?"

Really? I mean really? First of all, I never said I wouldn't like it, I only said I wasn't excited about it. Second, even if I didn't think I would like the job, life is not a pleasant box of chocolates where all things unpleasant can be avoided at all times. Sometimes you have to do things in life that you may not want to do in order to simply get by.

I think I must live a life that people can not imagine or comprehend.  Just tonight my parents were joking with a friend of theirs that little house on the prairie's got nothing on their kids.

To me, this is life. Working hard is a part of my life and I accept it. Making sacrifices is a part of my life, and I accept it.

And I have to admit it really pisses me off when I feel like people are looking down on me because working hard and making sacrifices are a part of my life... like I'm less than other people because I haven't grown up with the same priveliges or that I'm making some sort of stupid decision.

I think the thing that bothers me in addition to the comments right now is the gossip. I haven't had a problem with gossip with the actual club, but in the Kidstop Unit, it's like being in high school again.  Ugh. Get a life people and stay out of mine.

Sunday, March 27, 2011

A Common Theme...Direction

In addition to working for both Kidstop and the Art Room at the Boys and Girls Club, I am now going to be employed by Opportunity Enterprises.

I am trying to figure out what to do with my employment.  I will hopefully be working, between the three positions, at least a 40 hour work week. I don't know if I should try to get an apartment by myself, live at home and pay off the car bill and some other expenses, or something completely different.

There have been some family tensions at home, and I could really use a space of my own. I know that money would still be tight, and I would like to live so that Im not completely broke two days after I get paid. 
However, if I can stick it out with my family for the few months to a year I can get a lot of bills paid off and be in a much better position to live on my own.

I don't know what to do, but I want to do what is best for me and will be most honoring to God.

I am waiting for direction.

Sunday, March 20, 2011

Does God really never give us more than we can handle?

God never gives nor allows us more than we can handle. I don't know about you, but I don't believe it's true. There have been times in my life when I've gone through different things and moments, and I've felt very keenly that I could not handle whatever it was.
I also think if we never went through anything we couldn't handle, then someone has to explain depression, suicide, anxiety, breakdowns, etc.

Have you ever asked anyone to show you the Scripture where it says or alludes to God not allowing us more than we could handle?   The fact is that the Bible doesn't say or allude to that peice of misinformation.  In fact, I would even argue that the opposite is true. I mean, when you think about it... If we could handle everything that came our way, then we wouldn't need God.  Is God in the habit of making Himself irrelevant to us? 

On the other hand, there are plenty of Scripture references that are quite encouraging in the midst of trial.

For example:

2 Corinthians 1:3-4 says that God comforts us in our trials

Nehemiah 8:10 says the Joy of the Lord is our strength

Hebrews 13:5 says he will never leave or forsake us

Deuteronomy 20:4 says he fights for us

Matthew 6:31-33 says he provides for our needs

And there is so much more that God has to say about how much He loves and cares for us. I think a lot of us get carried away in our own ideas of how God should care for us, not realizing that God doesnt necessarily do things our way or answer prayers in the way that we would want Him too.  And that's okay. Infact, maybe we should trust him more with that.  He sees things a lot better than we do.

I am a Dandelion

A rose is beautiful simply because she is a rose.
She is delicate and soft, and requires special care.
And most people don't mind a bit when she is there.
She brightens rooms, she's special enough.
You may gaze on her beauty, but dont you dare touch.
The rose is designed to protect her self even from those who love her.
That's why she has thorns.
I am a dandelion.
Most people don't see the beauty in me
because my beauty is deeper than what you see.
I'm hardy, resilient, strong, and alive.
I do what I can so I can survive
When most people would rather pluck me up and throw me away,
Or choke me out of existense.
But I am not a weed.

Saturday, March 5, 2011

Money Money Money

Money is a source of frustration for me. It is virtually impossible to live without money, and sometimes it seems just as impossible to earn it!  I consider myself lucky to have a job, not to mention one that I enjoy.  But I look around me, and I see people with full time jobs making 15, 20, 30, 40+ thousands of dollars and I can't even imagine how one person can make that much money, let alone hundreds and thousands more.

It really blows my mind to observe their lifestyles.  I can't imagine it, the things that they have and do and the opportunities that seem to be available to them! I can't even list the things they have or do.

What I mean by that is that I can't imagine it for myself.  I can't even imagine or see myself ever being financially independent enough to survive this life without my parents, and that scares me.

I want these things.  You cannot comprehend my desire for these things.  And it's not that im coveting other people's things, it would be more accureate to say I desire so much not to be where I am, that I have this ideal of where I want to be, but I don't know what that looks like other than what I've seen other people have. 

And I know I don't want everything that everyone else have. In fact, what I desire most is to be independent, whatever that looks like. 

I have so much more I would like to express, but I'm becoming so distressed that I don't think that would be wise or productive.

The fact is, I'm feeling very lost again. I want to improve life, but I don't know how.