Saturday, March 5, 2011

Money Money Money

Money is a source of frustration for me. It is virtually impossible to live without money, and sometimes it seems just as impossible to earn it!  I consider myself lucky to have a job, not to mention one that I enjoy.  But I look around me, and I see people with full time jobs making 15, 20, 30, 40+ thousands of dollars and I can't even imagine how one person can make that much money, let alone hundreds and thousands more.

It really blows my mind to observe their lifestyles.  I can't imagine it, the things that they have and do and the opportunities that seem to be available to them! I can't even list the things they have or do.

What I mean by that is that I can't imagine it for myself.  I can't even imagine or see myself ever being financially independent enough to survive this life without my parents, and that scares me.

I want these things.  You cannot comprehend my desire for these things.  And it's not that im coveting other people's things, it would be more accureate to say I desire so much not to be where I am, that I have this ideal of where I want to be, but I don't know what that looks like other than what I've seen other people have. 

And I know I don't want everything that everyone else have. In fact, what I desire most is to be independent, whatever that looks like. 

I have so much more I would like to express, but I'm becoming so distressed that I don't think that would be wise or productive.

The fact is, I'm feeling very lost again. I want to improve life, but I don't know how.

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