Thursday, January 24, 2008

Eye Clinic...

So I went to the eye clinic.. that was an experience. I filled out a bunch of paperwork, I waited a really long time, and then finally, I was taken back to the examination room where I was asked a bunch of questions, then told to wait longer, and then an eye doctor came in and looked at my eyes. She put some numbing stuff in my eyes. I couldn't feel a thing and it was interesting.
Well it turns out that I have a sty in my eye that got infected. Yuck. So I had to get some antibiotic cream and I have to put a hot compress on my eye like... 6 times a day. So yeah. It's nothing to worry over.

That appointment is costing me almost $400. Boo. I can't afford that. I'll probably only make $600 by the time school lets out and I have other expenses I have to pay for each month too.

Tuesday, January 22, 2008


You're probably going to hate seeing
this. Last night my eye was irritated like I had an eyelash or something in it, so I was rubbing it when I realized that my eyelid was really tender to touch so I went to look in the mirror to see if there was something in my eye and I found a large red, pussy, oozing bump. yep. Check out the picture.

Lovely... huh? And as you can see, my eye is very bloodshot, and you can even see the spot where the puss was oozing out. (and I even cleaned it before I took the picture because it was driving me nuts and itching and hurting)

so... My eyelid is also swollen and puffy, but it's not terrible, I can still see out of it. My vision gets a little blurry when my eye starts to water.

Also right underneath my eye is a little raw and sore because I don't want to touch my eye, but it's like I have a stream of tears so I keep wiping it.

I went to the nurse to see what she recommended (will it go away? or do I need to get to a doctor ASAP?) I have an appointment for tomorrow morning at 10:30 at an eye specialist clinic. I hope it doesnt cost too much money. Bethel's insurance will only cover $80. I'll also probably get an antibiotic.... I dont have the money for this right now.

But God is good and I trust him.

Monday, January 21, 2008

Hooray for weekends?

Well, it was a pretty relaxed weekend... sort of. I spent the better part of it being annoyed at everyone. I'm not usually in a very good mood when I don't feel well. I just hope my roommates didn't experience too much hostility from me (well, I don't think they experienced any hostility, but I hope I wasn't rude).

I started reading Blue Like Jazz... Donald Miller does not hold back, Ive only read two chapters, but I think it's a good book. I look forward to seeing what else he has to say.
I'm still progressing through The Pilgrims Progress. It's a good book too.
I have to start reading Letters Across the Divide by David Anderson and Brent Zuercher. It's for my Multicultural Youth Ministry Class.

I have to admit that I'm a little overwhelmed with the reading. By no means is it a lot to read yet, but I keep wanting to finish one book before I start another, so I'm having a little trouble getting started on the third book. I think I'll just sit down and read a little tonight, and since I don't have any classes tomorrow because of MLKJ Day, I'll read the rest of what I'm supposed to read tomorrow.

I'm sure these journals of me talking about my school work aren't very fascinating; are they? But maybe you would like to read about the content of some of the books I'm reading, such as Blue Like Jazz.

WARNING: May contain spoilers. If you have not read the book, do not read this:

So Chapter one pretty much consisted of Donald Miller giving us background into his life. But what is amazing is the reality in his experience. You can relate to him, you can read about his experiences and know that he's talking from a perspective that shouts honesty. In chapter two we begin to see his journey and the realizations he has about God and himself.

Short, I know. I think one of the things that hit me the most in chapter two is when he was talking about going to a protest with a friend of his wanting to change the world, but realizing that the world wasn't the problem, he was. It resonated with me because I see what he was talking about very much in my own life. You know... I want to change the world, it's so messed up, there's so much wrong, nobody cares... This is what he said in the book that I thought was so profound:

"When we were done, I started wondering if we had accomplished anything. I started wondering whether we could actually change the world. I mean, of course we could-we could change our buying haabits, elect socially conscious representatives and that sort of things, but I honestly don't believe we will be solving the greater human conflict with our efforts. the problem is not a certain type of legislation or even a certain politician. The problem is the same problem that is has always been. I am the problem. ... The thing I realized onthe day we protested... was that it did me no good to protest America's responsiblity in global poverty when I wasn't even giving money to my church, which has a terrific homelss ministry. I started feeling very much like a hypocrite. " (pgs 19-20)

To go with the old saying: To change the world, you must first change yourself.

Friday, January 18, 2008


Well, I completed my first week of classes for the new semester. Things are pretty laid back right now even though we jumped right into the semester. I'm taking Multicultural Youth Ministry, Basic Probability and Statistics, Astronomy, British Literature, and Senior Experience. I have two other classes, a Saturday Seminar for youth ministry, and Spiritual Formation Experience, but they don't meet the same way the other classes do, so yeah. I'm having trouble deciding whether I like Senior Experience or Multicultural Youth Ministry better.

Im sleeping better. I mean, I'm not getting into bed until 2 am because I spend too much time messing around, then spend 2 hours doing homework right before I go to bed; but I'm sleeping through the night with out waking up now and Ive been waking up because my alarm clock wakes me up.

I felt really nauseous again today. It was worse than it was a few days ago. Today I was actually afraid I might vomit. It took half the day to get over it. I don't think it's the stomach flu, but I guess I don't know what else it could be.

So right now I'm in the process of reading the Pilgrims Progress for my British Literature book, and Im really liking it so far. I also picked up a few books from the book store. yeah, I applied them to my account, but it's okay because they're the same books on the reading list for Senior Experience, but they were ones I was already wanting to read anyway. I picked up Blue Like Jazz by Donald Miller and Searching for God Knows What by ... Donald Miller. Okay, so I guess they're both the same author. Perhaps that's why I was captivated by both of them. Okay, actually it was probably the chapter titles. For example, Blue Like Jazz
Chapter 5- Faith: Penguin Sex;
Chapter 6- Redemption: The Sexy Carrots;
Chapter 15-Community; Living with Freaks

And then... some of the titles in Searching For God Knows What
Chapter 2-Imposters: Santa Takes a Leak
Chapter 8-LifeBoat Theory: How to Kill Your Neighbor
Chapter 11-A Circus of Redemption: Why a three-legged man is better than a bearded woman
Chapter 12-Morality: Why I am better than you
Chapter 14-The Gospel of Jesus: Why William Shakespeare was a Prophet

How can chapter titles like these not make you curious?

Wednesday, January 16, 2008

Miserable for the moment

I don't feel well. I've been having trouble sleeping. Yesterday I went to bed at about 1:40 am and I woke up at 4am because I had to use the bathroom. I couldn't fall back asleep, so at 5:30 am I got up and spent some time with Jesus. At 7:30am I decided to lay down because I was exhausted, I started to drift off, but then I had to get up. It was horrible. So then I came back to my room at about 2:30 pm and I took a nap. I was only planning to sleep until 4pm but I actually slept until 6pm. So I went to bed at 1:30am this morning woke up at 3 something because my hands felt dry, went back to sleep and had a restless night of tossing and turning. I woke up at 7:30 and decided to get up and spent some time with Jesus. I'm tired right now but I have to take attendance at Chapel in an hour, and I still need to get dressed, so sleeping more is pointless.

I think I'm having trouble sleeping because I'm really stuffy and I haven't been breathing very well when I sleep, especially if I turn on my back. I also think I might be coming down with the stomach flu or something. But that might be from eating food at the Dining Commons. LOL Who hasn't had gastrointestional issues from eating there?

Anyway, I should probably get dressed. Sometime I'll write more about my classes.

Monday, January 14, 2008

Back at Bethel, feeling... lethargic

It's good to be back at Bethel. Moving back in was rough though. I'm moving into a new room this semester with all new roommates. That's not the rough part. The rough part is that the room was a disorganized mess and it overwhelmed me. But we all began to organize things and it's beginning to look better.
I did something I probably shouldn't have done on Sunday. One of my friends invited me to a Bible Study, and I knew it would be mentally/emotionally exhausting to move in and then four hours later go to a Bible Study where I don't know any of the people, come back, continue to unpack and organize and then start classes the next day. Kate said she would understand if I couldn't or didn't want to come this week. I should have given myself more time to adjust, especially since I didn't get to bed until 2 am last night and I had trouble sleeping. I'm lacking in energy today.
I think this semester I'm going to have to learn to slow down a little. I want to to do everything. The things I want to do are not bad, they're actually all good and beneficial things, but I guess I have to learn to discern between what is good and what is wise.

On the other side of things, it was SOOOOOOOOOOO great to go to Chapel today. Dr. Don Bartlett was speaking and I was just amazed at how the entire room was so silent. Everyone was captivated by him. His presence commanded attention.
And of course, one the of the things I always love about chapel.... Worship through Music. I love the excitement and the feeling of freedom to worship God in whatever means fits me.
I have to admit it, I don't really feel that there is very much excitement or freedom during the musical time of worship at Life Bridge. Well, I sense that there is probably more freedom than there appears to be, but as far as excitement goes, it just doesn't feel like it's there in the people. I feel kind of bad to say that. But you all know that if I thought musical worship was the most important thing, then I wouldn't have stayed at Life Bridge.
I do feel the need to say that just because the musical time of worship seems to lack excitement and freedom, there are other aspects of the church, other times of worship that have a crazy abundance of freedom and excitement. For example, I love the heart that this church has for ministry and empowering one more. I see that in the people.
Did you know that when I was looking for a church this summer musical worship was not my top priority, teaching was not my top priority (but I must be clear that if the church did not teach truth, or tried to water down the truth then it wasn't for me), fellowship was not my top priority, location was not my top priority (although, it was pretty important, if it was too far away I wouldn't have been able to go). My top priority in finding a church to attend was to see 1. how committed the church was to service, and 2. What opportunities there were for me to serve inside and outside of the church.

I love this body of Christ, I just got sidetracked telling Naomi about it.

Anyway, it's almost midnight so I need to get ready for bed and actually get dequate rest tonight.

Friday, January 11, 2008

The power of the subconscious mind, and... what?

I had a dream last night that I was getting married. Not that I was planning to, but that I was actually in the process of getting married. I don't remember there being words, or sounds, just images and the way I felt. I don't know who the groom was. I mean, I'm sure I knew him in the dream, but in real life, I don't know the person. At least I don't think I do. His face is imprinted in my mind, yet I can't recall it. It's kind of like... I don't think I could clearly explain what he looks like to you, but I'd know him if I saw him. He was also a little chunky (but not fat) and he was older than me. I get that distinct impression that he was definitely older, like the age difference between me and Josh (the Youth Minister, not my brother).

But the strangest part of this dream... I was marrying him, and I loved him and he made me happy... but at the same time, he wasn't 'the one', he was the one I settled for.

My subconscience is writing soap operas while I dream.

So check out what I caught my cat doing.
Poor fishy.

Post 50... yay....

So it's definitely almost 5 am and I find myself sitting here, not ready to sleep, not wanting to do anything else constructive... but just thinking... wondering... considering possibilities and the meaning of it all.

So I definitely think that I'm viewed as the religous nut of the family(referring to bother immediate and extended family), and it kind of bothers me. Why do I feel that my family looks at me this way? Comments. Attitudes toward me. Poking fun at me.
I'll give you a few examples. My aunt Carla comes over and she's telling a story and she says to me that she is going to do a lot of swearing and apologizes in advance then tells me that I might want to leave the room if it bothers me too much. I guess the thing is that I wonder where this comment came from. I've never said anything to anyone about their swearing, I've never asked anyone not to, I've never given anyone a dirty look for doing so or reacted to them for doing so or anything of the sort, I've never even expressed displeasure in it, I just simply don't swear. I'm not saying I do enjoy profane language or anything, but I just can't help but wonder where in my silence they are finding these ideas.
Also, my cousin Christopher chose not to invite me to his new years party because there would be drinking and he just figured I didn't want to be around it. The funny thing is that I'm around it whenever the family meets for July 4th celebration, or Christmas Eve Party, and other big get togethers. I see people drink and get drunk and I never say a word. I never talk down to them, or tell them they shouldn't drink, or that I think it's wrong or anything of the sort. The only thing that I can think of me having said is that I turned down an alcoholic drink because it is against Bethel's rules for me to drink alcohol and I want to be a person of integrity and follow the rules Bethel has put in place for me. Where in my silence did he come to the conclusion that I wouldn't want to enjoy a party with my family just because people would be drinking? I actually get that from people a lot. For some reason they assume that I wouldn't want to be a part of something for some reason and I don't even get to decide for myself whether I wanted to be a part of it or not. I guess I'm feeling really left out.

I think another part of it is that I feel like my family doesn't take me seriously especially when it comes to faith/spiritual matters. Anytime something comes up about God and faith, religion and spirituality, jokes start flying, and I'm often at the butt of them. The most recent joke was about meeting guys in church and how you don't want to do that because all they want to do is get married. Okay, I missed the humor, then they took it to another level saying "so they can get into your pants." I still don't get the joke, but they thought it was funny.

I didn't want to be one of those people who yells "sinner!" at everyone in my family because they do something I might not agree with, so I've simply not condemned them at all, I mean, who I am to judge, I can't fill God's shoes. Nor have I thought or acted like I'm better than them, I have plenty of other sins I need to account for, why should I worry or believe that I'm somehow less of a sinner than them?
But then I've wondered about my silence. I don't condemn them, and I'm not sorry for that... but I don't really speak up too much, do I? I don't tell them what is right and wrong, I don't tell them about the love and grace and forgiveness that comes through Jesus Christ. I don't know what to say to them. This is my family, my worst fear for them is not that they wont ever come to Christ, but that I would push them away from Christ.

I see them hurting. I seek them seeking for love, and approval, and fulfillment in all these different things and those things have left them feeling empty and alone. I see their suffering and I just want to show them Jesus, but I don't know how.

But I'm the religious nut. I go to church every Sunday and I enjoy it so much I help out at youth group and attend midweek Bible Studies.
I'm the religious nut. I talk to God even when I don't want something from Him. Furthermore, I believe that He actually has power and authority and that my prayers make a difference.
I'm the religious nut who turns the other cheek and doesn't seek revenge on those who wrong me.
I'm the religious nut who believes in love and mercy before judgement.
I'm the religious nut who is dedicating my life to knowing God personally so I can teach others, particularly teenagers, to become religious nuts who know Him personally.

Oh goodness... I hope I'm not religious. I don't want to be religious because this isn't just a religion to me, this is my life, my purpose, my reason, my being. I live and move and breathe and exist because of God. He is everything to me and I am nothing without Him. He is not the crutch I lean on, He is the foundation I stand upon.

I wonder how different my life would be if my family, even just my immediate family took God more seriously, that He wasn't just some magic genie that you put away in your closet until you have another wish. How different would life be if God was living and real and active to my family. Tough saying, sometimes I have trouble with seeing God as being real and living and active. But I guess it's true that just when I feel like I've reached the end of my faith, God grants me a little more, just enough to sustain me until my next crisis.
What if my family was on fire for Jesus? Just the five of us... imagine the kingdom impact.

Well, I guess that's going to be all for now, it's almost 6 am. I'm still not tired. Still actually just thinking about things, but I need a break. Maybe I'll write a little bit later.

Wednesday, January 9, 2008

Classes and Weird Dreams and such

I got an email today from Bethel saying that one of the classes I was signed up for is cancelled so they removed it from my schedule and it put me under 12 credit hours so I needed to add another class in order to be considered a full time student. I was a little dissapointed, the class was Rhetoric of Racial Reconcilation. I wonder if there just wasn't enough student interest for it. Anyway, I checked for more classes I could take and I emailed my advisor to seek if I could add Senior Experience (with Dr. Bob!) and British Lit to my schedule, that would put me at 15 credit hours. I hope they're both approved.

So, I had an incredibly weird dream last night. It's been a couple of hours since I've actually thought about the dream, so I can't remember it in it's fullest detail, but here's a bit of an overview. I remember being at my house for some of the dream, pushing Christine's car and I crash it into a police car that is randomly parked in front of my house, then I somehow find out that a cousin of mine is dead and I asked when this happened and people were like "over a year ago Amanda, where have you been?" But I know my cousin is still alive.
Then I remember being at the bottom of a sand dune with some people from Life Bridge and I'm trying to climb up this sand dune and get out but I keep slipping and sand keeps falling on top of me because the sand dune is pretty much vertical, but then I changed my stance and the way I was trying to get out and I made it.
Then I was at Life Bridge and the students I went to youth group with while I was at Washington Church were there as well as students from Amped, and we were all waiting for Josh to show up because we were going to do small groups, but the people who I used to be in small groups with split up from the group we were in because they wanted to make their own small group, then Josh shows up and he takes charge of the small group that is left which consists of me and two other people. So we sit down and begin talking and Josh mentions that he is divorced has a 3 year old daughter named Erin. I'm pretty confident though that he isn't divorced and doesn't have a 3 year old daughter, I think.
And then I woke up because my dad was emptying buckets (because my room leaks and the buckets were full)

It looks like there are four major events in this dream and each element bothered me in some way, perhaps addressing apprehension.

I don't drive but when I'm not even driving a car, simply pushing it, I hit a police car. Apprehension regarding driving? Yes Sir.
I find out that a cousin of mine is dead and has been for a year. I don't like not being told important things, so maybe that's what it was dealing with, being out of the loop on really really important things.
Failing to be able to climb out of a sand dune and being buried under mounds of sand when I try, apprehension, fear of failure, fear that I'm drowning underneath everything I'm trying to accomplish, feeling like I'm doing the impossible tasks and being buried under the weight of them. But changing my tactics got me out, so maybe there's also a lesson in that one.
And finally, the youth minister at my church being divorced having a three year old daughter whom no one knew about until just then... you know what, I don't even know... maybe I do know, but that's for me to know. AGGGGHHHHH!!!

Surprises, expectations, fears, you think you know a person. Why would I dream this?

I was really agitated when I woke up because of the dream. What a confusing mess.

Well, I guess that's all for now. I'm going to try to block the dream out of my mind and maybe go to sleep, now that it's 5 am. Heh. I think I'm going to allow myself to sleep until noon today.

Tuesday, January 8, 2008

Late night blogging, it's about to become a habit.

Because I'm bored and I am not ready to sleep yet.

I think Fortune is ready for me to sleep. Fortune is my cat. She looks like this:

Look at her sitting there like she's so high and mighty. She thinks she is queen of the world. That much she knows, she's only queen of my bedroom.

... for now.

And then there's another cat in the house. His real name is Cheech, but I like to call him Little Heathen Devil Kitty. Here he is:

As a matter of a fact, I've gotten my entire family to start calling him little heathen devil kitty. Oh, he looks so smug and innocent, but don't let him fool you. He may look innocent, but he is quite the little heathen devil.

Just look what he did to my Bible!!!

That's right. He ripped it up. This was actually the biggest tear, otherwise there are a bunch of smaller rips in the paper where he just clawed it. I couldn't believe it. I set my Bible down for 15 seconds and he went at it.

Or perhaps he was just hungry for the bread of life. hehe.

I'm pretty confident that he's just a little heathen devil kitty though. He likes to attack things that don't move. He likes to attack things that do move even more. He will scratch you up if you don't keep an eye on him. Fortune is having a hard time warming up to him because he keeps attacking her. She tries to mother him and take care of him, but then he wraps his claws around her head, kicks her with his back feet and bites her. She hisses and growls and smacks him, but he does it anyway.

Little Heathen Devil Kitty also seems to think he's a dog. We have 5 dogs and when my dad is giving the dogs treats they all line up in front of my dad and he gives them a bone. Now Cheech is lining up to, my dad gives him a bone, and HE TRIES TO EAT IT!!! He's a very crazy cat.

This next picture is a picture of my fish:

Her name is Madam PoopALot, her lover, Sir PoopALot II died, so she needs a new lover. She's a guppie. And someday when I figure out how, I'm going to have a guppie farm and breed guppies.
This is my pet cactus, his name is Spike.

Spike doesn't cause a lot of trouble around the house. He's usually pretty quiet and docile as long as you don't try to pet him.

You know what? I love the quiet moments in life. Those little moments when I feel a little bored.... because it's at that time when I can do what I truly wish to be doing without worrying about the consequence of not doing what I should be doing. I don't know if that makes any sense to you. I'm not usually bored unless I don't have anything that I need to be accomplishing.

Monday, January 7, 2008

Mission Impossible

I think my theme for this year will be "Mission Impossible". I've never actually given my year a theme, this will be the first, but I think it m ight be a good idea. I have a lot of goals this year (NOT resolutions, goals) and to be completely honest, some of them seem impossible, so Mission Impossible seems like a good theme, my theme verse will be Mark 9:23 "Everything is possible for him who believes", and my ringtone on my phone is the mission impossible theme song, so every time someone calls me I will be reminded of my theme, verse, and goals. Having said that, I should probably mention what my goals are. They are:

* To lose 100 pounds in 1 year.

On my birthday I was sitting at my computer watching a youtube video that a woman made with her own goal to lose 100 pounds in 1 year and I did the calculations and I realized it's completely possible! I would only have to lose two pounds a week. Even though I know it's possible, it seems so impossible because I started this on my birthday and I've had no physical progress, so I thought that since a new year has rolled around, January 1 would be my new start day. The past month hasn't been a complete waste though. I've created a plan and I've been putting it into action. I've also been able to do a ton of research on how to go about doing this, and what small life changes I need to be making.

I've been overweight my entire life (not as much as I am now though...) and as thrilled as I am to be able to work toward this goal and as determined as I am, and as much as I believe it's possible, it feels like for me it's not possible because I've been dieting and watching my weight my entire life and it's just been a battle that I have not been able to win. But today I've called in a new captain (Jesus, yay!) and He will be my strength and my hope and He will lead me to victory.

*To memorize the entire Bible.

No, I am not going to try to memorize the entire Bible in one year, that's one of my life goals. The actual goal inside of this is to memorize one of the gospels as a way of working toward my life goal. I figured I would start with the book of John because: 1. I love the book, 2. I know it well because I did Bible quizzing on the book of John. A lot of it will be review. 3 It's the gospel used most to explain Salvation.

Last semester there was a chapel speaker who said that he had studied in Israel and word had gotten out that he didn't have the entire Old testament memorized and one of the native Israelites who was also studying at the university asked him how he expected to follow his master if he didn't know what his master said. The speaker said that the students question hit him hard, and it hit me pretty hard as well. I'm always studying the Bible and reading it and learning what it says, and I know my way around the Bible pretty well, but not well enough. You know what, you never know what might happen in this life. The 'end times' are inching ever closer, prophecies have been set into motion and are being fulfilled, I am watching this world spiral into Armageddon. Christ may return at any time, the final battle is coming, but we don't know for sure what will happen before He does. Before Christ returns the world may end up going to hell in a handbasket, we may lose our religious freedom, I may not be able to look up a Bible verse when I need to someday, but if I hide God's word in my heart I will be prepared.
Then we could also say that by memorizing all of Scripture I am practicing sword fighting (Ephesians 6:17, Take up the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God... Hebrews 4:12, the word of God is living and active, sharper than any double edged sword...) I have so much more I could say about this, hehe.

*To learn to become an effective Youth Minister.

This is a toughie because my training is going to take over a year, but I want to continually press toward the goal because I finally know why I am here. I finally know what God designed me for and I just want Him to be able to use me to make a real impact for His kingdom. Since I am declaring a new major in my senior year of college, there is a lot that I am trying to squeeze into the next year and a half in order to be able to graduate in Spring of 2009. I was talking with the youth minister at Life Bridge today (Josh) and I might be doing an internship at Life Bridge with the Youth Ministry this summer. I am really excited about it, and I really hope it works out so I can, but at the same time I am scared to death. I already gave a message at Amped, an lets just say that I am embarrassed at my teaching. Argghhh! I'm not smart enough, I'm not Christ-like enough. People have no reason to look up to me, or recieve from me, I'm not that well liked. I'm just simply not enough. I feel inadequate, weak, and foolish. Wow. I'm the perfect candidate for God to use, huh? Ephesians 4:1 says to live a life worthy of the calling we've recieved. I'm hardly worthy of it.

But I guess God actually has a history of using the weak and foolish and those who just don't measure up. 1 Corinthians 1:27-31 says:

"Brothers, think of what you were when you were called. Not many of you were wise by human standards; not many were influential; not many were of noble birth. But God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong. He chose the lowly things of this world and the despised things--and the things that are not--to nullify the things that are, so that no one may boast before him. It is because of him that you are in Christ Jesus, who has become for us wisdom from God--that is, our righteousness, holiness and redemption. Therefore, as it is written: "Let him who boasts boast in the Lord."

But I guess that just goes to verify what God says in 2 Corinthians 12:19: "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness"

And even though I know this, I still want to be worthy of the calling, I want to be adequate, I want to be useable; and even though I don't feel that way now, I know that I can trust in Phillipians 1:6: "...Be confident of this, that He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Jesus Christ"

I believe very firmly that God has had a hand on me since day 1 of my existence and that He has protected me and carried me through fire holding me close to His heart, even when I didn't know it. And I don't believe he's done with me yet.


Well, I guess I went off on a couple of tangents, and seeing that it's almost 3 am, I'm beginning to feel tired, so I'm going to cut this short and sign off.

Saturday, January 5, 2008

Water is amazing!!!

Did you know that are bodies are between 60 and 70 percent water? I'm sure I heard it in one of my biology classes in high school, but it still surprised me when I read it. Check this out, this is the break down that I found:

  • Blood is 83 percent water

  • muscles are 75 percent water

  • the brain is 74 percent water

  • bone is 22 percent water

It's no wonder that the human body can't survive more than three days with out water. Mild dehydration can cause you to be thirsty, lose your appetite, give you dry skin, dry mouth, fatigue, chills, and head rushes, and that's only at about 2 percent dehydration. At 5 percent dehydration, a person may have increased heart rate and respiration, decreased sweating and urination, an increase in body temperature, muscle aches, headaches, nausea, tingling in the limbs and extreme fatigue. 5 percent!

At 10 percent dehydration a person may start having muscle spasms, seizures difficulty breathing, chest and abdominal pain, and painful urination. They may experience confusion, begin vomiting, and have trouble seeing clearly; their skin may shrivel and their pulse race and finally they lose consciousness. At 10 percent dehydration!!!

I think it's amazing that only 10 percent dehydration is enough to require a person to seek medical help immediately. The average person loses between 2 and 3 litres of water per day through urination, sweating, breathing, but that number goes up to about 2 litres an hour when a person is involved in rigorous physical activity such as sports and heavy exercises.

The sad thing is dehydration is completely avoidable if you just drink enough water. North Americans have the cleanest water in the world, there is no reason why we can't drink more of it. People think that in order to stay hydrated they'll just drink their coffee, tea, soda, energy drink, but those drinks do more to dehydrate than they do to hydrate the body.

Drinking water is not just essential to live, it also has many incredible benefits. For example: Drinking water improves your energy. Look at it scientifically, with as much as our bodies are made up of water, that water gets used to help each element work effeciently. When the body is fully hydrated with water it doesn't have to expend more energy to make up for what the presense of water does naturally. Wow. So with this is mind it's not hard to believe that water also enhances mental and physical performance.

Water also helps with digestion and move waste product through your system because water naturally flushes toxins out of your system. Yippee!! Furthermore, because the toxins are flushed and because it helps our bodies be able to do it's work easier, we are less likely to get sick.

Do you suffer from acne? Water helps keep your skin healthy and glowing. In other words, it helps clean up impurities. Water also helps you maintain a steady body temperature (goodbye hotflashes!) and it lubricates our joints (goodbye arthritis!).

Check this out, if you suffer from a headache, it could be because you're just not hydrated enough. Before popping a painkiller begin sipping water. Remember, the brain is 74 percent water! But it doesn't just help with headaches, it also helps with menstrual cramps- more water in your blood makes your blood thinner which helps it to flow easier, so when your uterus is shedding it's lining it's not as painful. (I think I also read somewhere that it helps keep your regular).

Also sometimes people retain water, whether it's period related or not isn't the issue, and their ankles swell or they become bloated. What they do it take medicine to rid themselves of the water. Instead of ridding themselves of water, they should drink more. When the body retains water, it is doing so because the body is not hydrated enough that it feels like it can let the water go. Makes sense to me.

And this next one is absolutely amazing. Water aids in WEIGHT LOSS!!! It makes so much sense. Water improves digestion, it improves energy, and it also improves metabolism (yay!) and all these things are pretty important for weight loss.

Water is amazing. I think I will definitely be trying to work drinking more water into my diet. I'll probably have to pee a lot more, but check this, if I increase the amount of water I drink in a few weeks times my body will adjust so that I don't use the bathroom so much because it will take the water I drink and use it where it is needed.

Yes, Water is truly amazing.

Friday, January 4, 2008

Lies from the Plus Size Forum

I was looking online for womens plus size clothing and I found clothing up to a size 6x(that's equivalent to a women's size 44 pair of jeans), , but nothing bigger than that. If you're larger than 6x you probably better make your own clothes. Although, I can't imagine it getting much larger than a 6x... but that's not what suprized me. Very few stores actually have clothes that are between 28 (hey, that's what I wear!!!) and 44.
Walmart and other supercenters usually don't have jean sizes above a size 26. Lane Bryant has up to size 32, Avenue goes up to 32, Catherines claims to be for sizes 28 and up, but I looked at the website and I'd say more like sizes 14-28, Fashion Bug goes up to size 32, JustMySize goes up to size 40, Kohls doesn't have anything larger than size 24, Old Navy goes up to size 30, WomanWithin goes up to size 40... (info can be found on )

Yeah, there are a ton of online plus size clothing shops for women, so I was looking at the websites, searching around, trying to see what I could possibly get for a good cheap price. Here's what I found. Cheap= ugly and too small anyway. Most of the stores don't even consistently have the larger sizes for women and they're ONLINE. Wouldn't you think the sizes would be easier to access? Nope. But even that isn't what suprized me. What suprized me is that every single one of these stores that I looked at all had skinny models. Plus sized and full-figured? Give me a break, those women aren't wearing anything larger than a size 14.
Even plus size shops will only display skinny models, but I guess I wouldn't blame them, I totally wouldn't buy clothes from a shop that had models that were actually my size displaying the clothes. *rolls eyes*

But then there was one website and it has sizes up to 10x, (WOAH!!!!) AND they have large models. Props to them for telling it like it is. I requested a free catalog, but I doubt that I'll actually buy anything from it. The clothes I'm seeing on the website are both extremely expensive and extremely ugly. Well, at least the pants are, but the pants are the clothing item that I need. I have big hips and a big butt and a smaller upper body. No joke, my figure is hardly an hour glass. Perhaps a triangle is a more suitable description, ha.

Despite my complaining I do understand that most plus size clothing would need to be more expensive because of the extra material required to make the clothes. Bummer.
As far as clothing goes, if I want to continue to fit into jeans I have no choice but to lose weight.

My 100 pounds in 1 year plans seems to be on a stand still by the way. Please pray for me if you read this. One of the ways that I have been trying to get exercise is by walking and with the snow and below freezing temperatures, that hasn't been very easy. It's also hard to watch what I eat because I have to eat the food that my parents buy. Low income means buying cheaper food, cheaper food is usually much less healthy, a lot of canned, fried, and microwaveable stuff, not much fruit or veggies, milk is a rare commodity. Water is plentiful though, but... and this is a TMI, I keep getting the runs from drinking it, so I've been drinking soda, I try drink at minimun 16 oz of water every day, but it's not easy.

Oh, I guess i'm done ranting for the night. I think I'll check my email one last time and go to bed.

Tuesday, January 1, 2008


It's 2008. Wow, it's here. I've had no particular reason to be thrilled about it's coming, but it's exciting anyway.

I guess I've always felt the symbolism of new years. The old has gone. Gone are the mistakes and regrets. Gone are the worries and frustrations of 2007. They're in the past. They don't matter anymore. Something new is coming. We have a fresh start, a whole new year of adventures and opportunities.

Even if we can't leave our physical situations behind, we can still choose how we will react to our stations in life. I've heard that life is 10 percent situation and 90 percent how we react to it. Even if we face the worst of trials this year, we can still end the year saying that we lived life to the fullest and experienced true joy.

Maybe I'm overly optimistic, but I feel really good about 2008. I believe it's going to be a good year and I am excited for lies ahead.

If you don't feel it just look outside your window (or my window, I guess). There is a fresh blanket of snow covering the ground and more continues to fall. As I look outside my window, I feel like I'm watching God paint a picture.

The snow is still fresh and beautiful, untouched... it's peaceful.