Monday, January 31, 2011

Now this is truly introspective

For the past few years it seems as though I've had theme songs for seasons of my life. They were always the songs that touched me so deep I could not ignore the truth they revealed in my life. I would almost cling to the songs if that were possible, playing them over and over, taking in every word. Every one of them were a song crying out to God, pleeding, worshipiping...

I distinctly remember selahs song, you raise me up, stroking a cord in me, stand in the rain by superchick, never alone by barlow girl, praise you in the storm by casting crowns... there are so many more that the songs still swell up and stir within me.

This season in my life, the song I seem to find nudging my subconcious is Set me free by Casting Crowns.

Its somewhat scary, but these lrics stir me.

It hasn't always been this way
I remember brighter days
Before the dark ones came
Stole my mind
Wrapped my soul in chains
Now I live among the dead
Fighting voices in my head
Hoping someone hears me crying in the night
And carries me away
Set me free of the chains holding me
Is anybody out there hearing me?
Set me free

There is truth in these lrics that I cant deny, and a cry my lips are sometimes to weak to make.

I don't pretend to know exactly when things became so complicated. but I do know that a war is raging in my life. A great spiritual battle for my soul (and sometimes I think my sanity.)

Ive tried to recall a time in my life when ive felt this weak and helpless and I can think of none. I don't undetstand what happened, surely I've stared worse situations in the face.

Why now is beyond me. Maybe it had something to do with the responsiblity I try to carry away from my situations, but I truly don't know. All I know is that life is a battle for me right now.and I am fighting with every once of strength I still have to cling to hope in God.

Today I have peace that I will be okay, but not every day is like this. Maybe someday it will be though. Until then I will keep clinging.
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