Saturday, November 29, 2014

Reflections from birthdays passing

So, it's been a while since I've written anything on my blog.  Maybe I should do that today.   I just feel like writing something.

Today... well, technically yesterday now, I guess, I celebrated my birthday.  Birthdays and new years always seem to force me to take a moment to reflect on things.

You know, I've now had 29 years to figure things out in my life and I feel just as lost today as I did when I graduated high school nearly 10 years ago.   This weekend was supposed to be my 10 year high school reunion.  I wanted to go but at the same time the last thing I wanted to do was show people I barely remember how much of a failure I feel I've become.... and how much weight I've gained.  

By my own standards (you can debate the influence of my standards on your own time),  I wanted a degree, and a career, and a husband, and children... or at least be with child by now.     By my own standards, I'm a college dropout, who has yet to demonstrate the ability to hold a job for more than 3 years, dating the first serious boyfriend I've had since 9th grade.... and children?  That's not really on the radar yet.

But I'm okay.  Don't get me wrong, I'm a little bummed and I have days when  I feel like a failure, but I'm still pushing to figure things out, and I think as long as I've got that going on, I will see a day when I don't feel so lost. At least I hope so.

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