I've had a myriad of thoughts running through my mind... I'm exposed to a lot of things... different opinions and viewpoints. I read, I listen, and I pay attention when people might think I'm not. And I research. I actually don't like to passively dismiss other viewpoints, even though some people might feel that if I disagree with them, then I've done exactly that....The point is this: When I make a decision about something or form an opinion on something... it's pretty rare that you'll find me uninformed. So I've been doing some thinking and researching.
One of the things I ran across today was a blogpost someone had posted on facebook where a woman had written about her pregnancy and how miserable it was for her. She wrote of crippling morning sickness, feeling bloated, weight gain, getting kicked in the spine and a whole host of other things. She sounded genuinely miserable during her pregnancy. But one thing she spoke of was the loneliness she felt.
This idea of pregnancy and birth being a beautiful thing was lost on this woman because of the miseries she felt, but the loneliness that followed her was the result of the "beauty of pregnancy" being lost on her. She felt outcasted and looked down upon because she didn't enjoy the experience and was actually chastized for it, and made to feel like she wouldn't be able to be a good mother.
On the flip side, I have also seen some women who have had difficulties trying to concieve or have miscarried who look at the complaints women who are miserable make, and are hurt by those complaints.
I have a friend who miscarried and she is now pregnant again and she thanks God for her morning sickness, and her back aches, and the frequent need to run to the restroom and all sorts of other miserable pregnancy symptoms because the truth of the matter is that those miserable symptoms of pregnancy are often signs that your body is doing exactly what it needs to produce a healthy baby. She knows that. I've also seen her comment after she originally miscarried that she would gladly take the symptoms other women were complaining about if it meant she could have her precious baby back in her womb.
.... It is difficult for me to say that I really know what either woman is going through, because I really don't. I've never been pregnant, I've never miscarried, I've never tried to concieve but found myself unable. I know being nauseated when I've got the flu is miserable for me, and I already feel like I use the restroom a lot as it it, but thats about the best I can do to identify with the first woman. The second woman... I think I actually identify with her more, which is crazy because I've never tried to concieve, let alone miscarried a child, right?
I think the reason I identify with the second woman is because my own fertility has come into question for me. I had an ovarian cyst (at least, that's what they believe it was) burst when I was in high school, and I believe it happened a second time when I was in college. Now there are other reasons for this thought, some of them are simply too personal to share. I try to blame my weight gain for any issues I have. I tell myself if I lose weight, the questions will go away because everything will go back to normal, but thats my guess. I couldn't really tell you what's going on in my body.
But what I can tell you is that the possibility of being infertile scares me... a lot. My hearts desire is to serve God through marriage and family. Im still working on the first part.... :-) But it can be a scary thing to think that you may have to deal with something that could keep you from your hearts desire. I have to continually put my hope back in God and remind myself that He is the giver of dreams and my life is complete in Him. Everything else is icing. I have to remind myself, and sometimes ask God to help me remember that I find my fulfilment in Him alone and if neither marriage nor bearing children is to never be a part of my life, then I will praise and love Him the same as if it were.
But that's beside the point I want to make. What I'm trying to say is that hearing other women complain about something that I want so much can be a sensitive issue for me too, even though I've never had trouble trying to concieve or difficulty maintaining the pregnancy because it's not a part of my life right now. It sometimes bothers me to hear other women complain about their symptoms because it just reminds me of a fear that Im already bringing to God on a daily basis. I can only imagine what it's like for women who are really experiencing what I only fear.
But does that mean the first woman was wrong? No, not really. Then, does it mean that I and the second woman are wrong about our feeling? Again, I really dont think so.
I truly and honestly believe pregnancy is a beautiful thing. It it simply amazing to me that a few small cells can become what you and I are today. It is amazing to me what a womans body does to accomodate the life that grows inside of her. I am fascinated by the love a mother can have for something that made her so miserable for nine months.
But I also know that God says to the woman in Scripture very plainly "I will greatly increase your pains in childbearing; with pain you will give birth to children." I feel like the first womans experience gave me a whole new insight to this verse. (it's not just about needing the epidural during the birth process, lol) There is indeed an ugliness that is associated with pregnancy. There is pain beyond the child leaving the womb.
What this leads me to is the question of how we minister to both of these women where they are at. The truth is that their feelings can easily feed off of one another. One needs hope, the other ecouragement. How can both have an outlet for their feelings without making the other feel bad somehow?
For now I guess thats going to be something I'll be trying to figure out.
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